Dream within a Dream
by D. M. Evans
Summary: A year after Sunnydale is destroyed Buffy and Faith head to Los ANgeles, hoping for a rest
1. Default Chapter

DREAM WITHIN A DREAM By: D.M. Evans Disclaimer: You know the drill, Joss, WB and UPN own all. I make no money from this. I'm just happy to borrow the characters for a little while. Spoilers - AtS Season4 finale and Buffy the series finale Rating - R Feedback - feed me Seymour, ripewickedplum2@yahoo.com Summary - A year after Sunnydale collapses, Buffy and Faith head to L.A. for the Christmas holidays but it's not going to be a silent night. Pairings - there certainly be some but if I tell you now it'll ruin the surprise. Author's Note # 1 - For purposes of this story, Spike will NOT be back in any form. I'm leaving his sacrifice stand as is even though I know that as of now (according to WB) he's due to be in Los Angeles in the time frame this AR is set in. The rest of the events in both finales will otherwise remain the same. Author's Note #2 - The story set up is a bit of an oddity for me. The first few chapters will be non-linear covering parts of the preceding year before the main action set up in chapter one. All months and dates will be on the chapter headers for clarity. Also it'll be multiple first person POV's also noted clearly in the header.  
  
CHAPTER ONE - BUFFY - December 2004  
  
It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since my life fell into a big smoking hole in California. I never expected to survive that fight, not until after that crazed plan formed in my mind. I had no doubts that it would work and you know, I think that's one of the few times I've gone up against a big bad feeling that confident.  
  
No one knew what having an army of Slayers meant. Giles and Wesley are still working out the ramifications of that. Willow's helping them. Had the Power weakened? I mean, it's not often you can divided power and make it stronger. Neither Faith nor I felt weaker. If all the Potentials are now Slayers, who would be called when we died? Infants not yet born when Willow cast her spell? Or had I squandered the Power and in a generation's time would evil have free rein since I'm not betting that even my army of Slayers will completely remove evil from this world? No one knew what might happen and that was scary. But we're coping.  
  
Giles had gone with Willow to England to start up the Watchers' Council again and to do locator spells on all the new Slayers. They were confused and scared at first but the girls Faith and I had led in Sunnydale are now helping to teach these new girls. Some were so young, a few little more than toddlers. What was left of the Watchers dealt with that, leaving me and Faith out of it. We were the experienced Slayers. We had to hold the line until the others were up to speed. I was amazed the Watchers were prepared for that then I remember Kendra who had been a Potential since infancy. And I complained about not having a normal life. At least I had most of my childhood.  
  
Wesley was building a Watcher's Complex here in the States, using the resources of Wolfram and Hart. I still didn't know how the law firm figured into it. There was something off about that since I thought Angel had said they were evil. But Angel and Wes seemed to think it's a good idea and I have to trust them.  
  
And I do, so much so I have them keeping an eye on Dawn. She lived in L.A. with Xander who was working for Wolfram and Hart as a construction manager for some of their projects. I'm shocked he even wants to talk to me any more, let alone be big brother to Dawn. Once all the adrenaline wore off, Xander collapsed completely. He had been maimed. He had lost Anya. He's recovering. Dawn's been a big help.  
  
It had been hard to leave Dawn behind but it was for the best. Dawn hadn't been joking about being a junior Watcher. She had approached Giles and Wes for formal training. I wanted her out of this lifestyle but it was too late. I knew that and if she was going to be in on it then she needed to be the best she could be. Wes was doing the Watcher training. Gunn and Angel were teaching her to fight and she was going to college. We all insisted on that and Dawn was more than agreeable. She had no intentions of ending up in fast food struggling to make ends meet while she helped save the world. So, when I left the state, I couldn't take her with me.  
  
Faith and I were both kicking ass around Cleveland's Hellmouth. Faith had threatened to shove any Watchers protesting actually paying the active Slayers down said mouth, so we were getting paid but the rebuilding was costly. Right now most salaries were being cut to funnel money into reforming the council. Faith and I lived together in a brownstone in Cleveland Heights not far from Case Western University. No chance of Dawnie going there; it's baby Ivy League. No, she had to stay in California, finish high school without me and go to college for free.  
  
As for me, I wanted to move out since Faith's life style was...um, noisy to say the least. She and I still butted heads but as a team we were killer. I missed California. I missed having my friends with me, my sister, the odd comfort of knowing Angel was just a phone call away even though I never made that call. I missed Spike. I remembered the heat of him boiling through me, mending that fatal wound as it went. I wished he had believed for a moment that I had loved him, but he hadn't. Maybe he was smarter than me. He knew I was deceiving myself or maybe we both were deceived.  
  
I never missed California so much as I did last winter. Sunnydale had always been toasty. Sixty degrees was cold. Cleveland treated me to my first twenty below nights. I thought I was going to die. Faith insisted Boston was colder. If it was, I never wanted to visit. Patrolling the Flats when it's coated with ice and the wind is whipping off Lake Eire and the Cuyahoga River isn't fun. Faith loves the Flats though, clubs all over the place. She can party as much as she wants. I wonder if Slayer healing powers handles the abuse she puts her liver through. You'd think ice storms would keep vampires at home but oh no. So we're out there bundled up so much we can barely fight. It's dangerous. I hate it. At least Cleveland Heights is next to Coventry and all the coffee houses so there's a place for me to unwind. And forget about things for a minute or two.  
  
Xander was wrong. I'm still special. Oh, there's no more 'one girl' in every generation but there's still not that many Slayers. We had lost quite a few in the past year. Kennedy for one. I wish I felt bad about that but I honestly don't beyond the normal regret about the loss of a young life. I didn't like her. I couldn't even pretend to for Willow's sake. But luckily, if you can call it that, Willow and Kennedy were splits before Kennedy died. Kennedy was about as fickle as Faith and Willow wasn't one to put up with that no matter how many times Kennedy called her a goddess and tried to make up. Kennedy had known better than me and Giles when we warned her about going up against a nest of vampires she said was infesting the East End of London. I guess winning the battle in Sunnydale made her overconfident. I saved my grief for Willow. She might have cooled toward Kennedy by then but she was the one who had to burn Kennedy when her vampire self came calling. I've killed someone I once loved and it's beyond hard. But Willow is stronger than even she knows.  
  
I shifted in my seat. Coach just sucked. One day I'd be able to afford first class. Faith was next to me, her head against the window as she drooled on herself, sound asleep. My queendom for a camera. We were flying back to LA to spend Christmas with Dawn. She had wanted to come to Cleveland for a real white Christmas. I told her the best she'd get would be piles of grey yucky snow. Cleveland had survived its Hellmouth for years without me and Faith. It would survive two weeks at holiday time. Too bad though I could bring a little of Mama Santos' pizza to Dawn. It is delicious. We didn't have anything that good in Sunnydale nor did Sunnydale have a Brotherhood Loan Company of Little Italy down the street from its pizzeria. And I only wished I was joking about the name.  
  
It would be hard to be in LA. Xander didn't have enough space in his apartment to put up me and Faith so we were staying at the Hyperion with Angel and company. Dawn had offered to stay there and let me have her room but I said no, Angel and I could be adults about this. Then I remembered his last visit to Sunnydale. We had been anything but adult. I winced every time I think about it. He, Spike and I all acted like we were two years old and someone had taken our favorite toy. It was hardly any of our shining hours. And that cheesy cookie analogy of mine, how embarrassing. Okay, I meant a lot of it. I needed to grow into an adult and I had begun that journey. Giles assured me no one is really an adult in their twenties even if they think they are.  
  
I had seen Angel once after it was all over. We talked about what had happened and Spike's death in particular. He told me about him and Cordy and it was hard on both of us. Spike's gone and God help me, I wish Cordy was. She's a vegetable. No one deserved that. We're all still hopeful that like Faith, she'll one day wake up from her coma. But for now, she's resting on an air mattress, suffering from a bed sore on her backside despite all the fancy care Wolfram and Hart paid for.  
  
I had gone to see her before going to Cleveland, to thank her for looking out for Angel all this time. I will go to my grave regretting how I felt that day, like I wanted to run and forget she'd ever lived. I got there as feeding time was almost over, which consisted of pouring fluid into a tube that passed through this angry red hole in Cordy's belly. The nurse told me it was just a little stoma infection, nothing to really worry about. I had to ask what a stoma was. It's doctor talk for an opening like the one they had fashioned to feed Cordy. A tube feeding her, a tube under the cover running into the bag of urine on the side of her bed, Cordy would have been horrified to know any of us saw her like that. And all I could think of was, thank God Mom had died fast. I knew with her brain cancer that she could have ended up like this. I might have killed her myself if she had.  
  
The flight attendant asking me what I wanted to drink distracted me from thinking about Cordy and I refused to go back there once she handed over my Coke. This was going to be a good Christmas, just friends and family and no big bads. I was looking forward to meeting Dawn's new boyfriend who was hanging around for a few days for just that purpose before joining his parents in Aspen for the holidays. I guess his family had money. Wes assured me he was a very polite, smart young man. Xander was more critical calling him skinny and geeky but I think Xander liked that last part. Angel said very little about Dawn's man.  
  
I got the impression Angel didn't like him but it was so hard to tell with Angel. He seemed broodier than usual, depressed even. We talked almost weekly. We called it the Dawn Report. I know something was bothering him but typical Angel, he refused to share with me. He was bearing some terrible burden alone. I could hear it in his voice. Wes and Dawn agreed. Maybe I'd ask him when I saw him. Maybe not. I didn't want to spoil the mood. For once I was going to have a nice holiday.  
  
Author's Note - Mama Santos in Cleveland's Little Italy kept me well fed for four years. Hands down some of the best pizza I've ever had. I'm trusting that 10 years after I moved away, things haven't changed. As for the Brotherhood Loan Company of Little Italy, I'm not sure if it's still there. A lot of things could happen in ten years but I hope it is. 


	2. Halloween

CHAPTER TWO - Dawn - October 2004  
  
I loved the Teke's. They threw the best parties and they had a nice house. Better yet, I trusted them not to be scummers like a couple of other frats. It helped that the sorority I wanted to rush, Alpha Sigma Tau, was tight with the TKE's. Paloma, my dorm mate, wanted to be an AST, too and Taliesha, our women's history tutor, was a sister. She said we stood a good chance of getting in.  
  
I saw Taliesha by the keg dressed like a Nubian princess. I wished I could be so beautiful. Her skin was rick, dark and so damn perfect. Not to mention she was tall with big..um assets. I was still flat as a board in comparison. When I was around Buffy and Willow or Fred, it hadn't been so noticeable but here, well, let's just say I know I'm part of the 'little bitty titty committee' as Paloma called it and I'm not thrilled.  
  
I was beginning to regret my own costume choice or at least the play sword I was using as part of Arwen's costume. It kept bumping me in the butt when I danced. Still, I looked pretty stylish. I had Xander's seal of approval when I had gone home to do laundry and confer on what might best catch a guy's eye.  
  
Not that I had a particular guy in mind but that was okay. Even with elf ears, I looked hot. I knew someone would notice me. Why wouldn't they? Paloma had already snagged the eye of Michael McGovern, one of the starting running backs. I didn't really envy her that. The really popular guys were nothing but trouble. I went and got myself a beer, oddly thinking about the time Buffy turned into a Neanderthal thanks to beer. God I missed her and the others. I really missed Spike even though I hadn't truly forgiven him for what he tried to do to Buffy. But at the end, he gave his life for us all. I think he knew he'd die if he wore that thing Angel brought to Sunnydale. I think Angel knew it, too. Both of them were willing to die for Buffy. It was sort of creepy and beautiful at the same time. I gulped my beer and got another.  
  
I turned and nearly ran over a skinny, short guy dressed like Dracula. At least it wasn't Lestat. Part of me wanted to scream it's not funny to dress like vampires. They aren't cool but then the rational part of me remembered that not everyone knows vampires are real. There's a whole world out there that loves Stoker's and Rice's work and the skinny kid had a great set of fangs. They must have been the expensive theater ones. He smiled at me.  
  
"Sorry," he said, almost not lisping around the fangs.  
  
"My fault." He was checking me out, not even the least bit shy about it. Of course I was doing the same to him. He was scrawny but he was cute if kinda girlie. He has the prettiest blue eyes and since we were about the same height I was looking right into them. His nose was a little off center but that added to the cuteness. Whoa girl, look who's fast out of the starting gate. I guess beer does loosen you up.  
  
"Have I seen you around the house?" His eyes flicked down to my chest but didn't linger. Well, it's not like I've got a lot to look at there.  
  
Oh boy, gotta be nice. He must be a Teke and I didn't want to irritate the AST sisters by annoying one of the brothers. Besides, I had the feeling I was going to like him. "Maybe. I like the parties they throw here. I'm Dawn."  
  
"Ooo, Dawn, something I have to beware of." He flashed those fake fangs at me and I laughed in spite of myself.  
  
"You know it." I showed him my best flirtaceous eyes.  
  
"I'm Connor."  
  
I smiled and he did likewise. Even without the fangs, Connor would have an odd smile. It was too big for his thin face, like it needed to be continued on someone else. I liked it. It gave his face character. Spike would have called the look cheeky. Spike would have hated this kid, I decided in an instant. He'd tell me I could do better but I'm sure he would have said that about anyone. Not like I was taking Connor home with me. We were just smiling over beers. "Are you a brother?" I managed to say.  
  
He nodded, his fine brown hair flopping into his eyes. He brushed it back, irritated. "Yeah, I'm a Teke. Are you Greek?"  
  
"Thinking about it." I think that was what he wanted to hear because that spooky grin widened.  
  
"Want to dance?"  
  
I looked out at the crowded area passing as the frat house's dance floor and saw Paloma bumping and grinding with Michael. Why should she have all the fun? I nodded and Connor took my beer and set it on the book shelves. He didn't dance too bad, better than I was expecting but not as good as I hoped. Still, we were having a good time. Taliesha had spotted us once and gave me the thumbs up and a big goofy grin. Connor didn't see her but he had to wonder why I was blushing.  
  
Finally we got hot and tired so we left the dance floor. Connor rescued our beers from the shelf and handed me mine. I shook my head.  
  
"Do you mind if I get a fresh one?" I was totally paranoid about drinking from anything that had been sitting around. I knew all about date rape drugs. Elle, a girl I had became fast friends with probably because I was someone who didn't think her being a Wiccan was weird, had been raped thanks to one of those drugs. Paloma and I had gone to support groups with her. It didn't help. Elle killed herself and I thought that maybe there was something more I could have done.  
  
All I could do now was protect myself. When I thought about this stuff, remembered Elle, I thought about Andrew. I didn't know where he was any more and I regret that I ever even so much as spoke to him. When I remembered Elle's haunted eyes, those rambling confessions Andrew would make bobbed to the surface of my memory. He helped Warren hunt down some poor woman to make her a sex slave, thanks to magic. Warren killed that girl. Andrew killed Jonathan. When I thought about what we were willing to forgive; rape, murder, lies I felt dirty. I'm glad I didn't know where Andrew was any more. Anya should have been the one to survive instead of him, but then again cockroaches always endure. Sometimes I talked to Angel about this since Buffy was in Cleveland and Willow in London. I didn't feel right talking about it with Wes or Gunn. Fred chattered so much I never could make sense of what she was telling me. I couldn't talk to Xander about Andrew since there was some kind of weird connection there, thanks to Andrew being there when Anya died.  
  
I must have looked strange or upset since Connor gave me a look. "No, go ahead. I'll get you some."  
  
"No, that's okay," I said a little too quickly, too sharply but he didn't seem offended. Always get your own drink, never set it down, keep your hand over the top of the glass, that's what they teach us to do. It's hard and I try to do it but it's so easy to forget. Then I remember Elle, I remember the party at Frannie's apartment when she found someone had dumped a whole bag of GHB down the garbage disposal after losing their nerve. Better safe than sorry so I got myself a fresh beer.  
  
"Want to go somewhere quieter so we can talk?" he asked.  
  
"Um." I froze, my eyes looking up at the second floor. If he thought a few dances would entice me to his room, he was sorely mistaken.  
  
He must have read my mind. "No, I meant outside, get some fresh air."  
  
I smiled weakly. "I'd like that."  
  
It felt odd sitting outside at night. I guess living on a Hellmouth will do that to you. I kept expecting real vampires to pop out of the garden, or what was once a garden until the frat boys had gotten hold of it.  
  
"You from California?" he asked.  
  
"Born and raised. You?"  
  
"The same. I'm a sophomore here."He looked like he felt as awkward as I did. This get-to-know-you stuff was always painful.  
  
"Freshman. I'm majoring in art and history," I said and he gave me the look everyone did. 'What? You're majoring in poverty?'  
  
"What do you plan to do with that?" At least he made that sound a little better than usual or maybe it was the beer.  
  
I shrugged. I couldn't exactly tell him I planned on being a Watcher. "I'm good at art but it's not exactly an easy field to break into. I like history, too, so maybe I'll teach."  
  
He smiled. "I'm pre-Law."  
  
Oh, you could see he was proud of that. If he turned out to be a pompous jerk, I'd be so disappointed. I could just hear Angel and Xander now. What does the world need with another lawyer? I guess working with a law firm might make one cynical. Still, if he was pre-law, Connor probably had to be smart. "Cool."  
  
We talked for a long time and drank a little more. Connor stowed his fangs at some point and I ditched my sword and pointy ears. Connor was a sweet guy. I liked him a lot. I never had had time for boyfriends back in Sunnydale. The one time I tried I ended up with a vampire. It must run in the family. The second time, it was because of that magic jacket. Third time's a charm, or at least I hope so. It was nearly dawn by the time he walked me back to my dorm. He kissed me goodnight and I was going to pretend this was my first kiss because it was everything a first kiss should be. Sweet, gentle, soft and left me wanting more.  
  
"Can I see you again?" he whispered.  
  
"Of course."  
  
I watched him go, sending out a little wish that he got home safely. With my track record something would snag and eat him in the last dying moments of the night. I went into my room and fell asleep, truly happy for the first time in a long time.  
  
Author's Note - Both the TKE's (Tau Kappa Epsilon) and the AST's (Alpha Sigma Tau's) are real Greek organizations. No offense is meant to either. I am an AST alumnus and the boys of TKE were a good friend to my sorority on my campus and I hope I've captured that friendly atmosphere here. 


	3. Thanksgiving

CHAPTER THREE - ANGEL November 2004  
  
All that we see or seem  
  
Is but a dream within a dream. Edgar Allen Poe - Dream within a Dream  
  
I should never have turned Dawn down when she asked me to meet her new boyfriend at Thanksgiving dinner. I had just barked out a 'no' and left it at that. Poor Dawn. Buffy and Faith couldn't make it back to California. Giles and Willow were in London. Fred had gone to Texas with her family and Lorne couldn't come because Dawn's boyfriend had no clue things like demons existed. She was cobbling a family together out of Wes, Xander and Gunn.  
  
I should have been there. She needed me but all I could think about was my son was going to be having dinner with his family, blissfully unaware of the terribleness in this world. I was miserable and I had no one I could talk to about it. I had erased Connor's existence from everyone's mind. My son thought he was someone else's child.  
  
I looked in on him from time to time. He attended the same college as Dawn and was the reason I opposed her going there. That college was Connor's place and I wanted nothing intruding on it. Trouble followed Dawn and I didn't want it anywhere near Connor. Forget the fact the campus was enormous and that he was just one of nearly thirty thousand so what were the chances she'd even see him? I managed to find him there, thanks to Lilah. Why her corpse was still wandering this earth I had no clue and it made me vaguely nervous as to what more Wolfram and Hart had planned for her. Those little visits to spy on Connor killed a little bit of me each and ever time. I shut my eyes against the pain. I should quit torturing myself. I had done the right thing. I would do anything for my child even if I had to give him up. But there was this part of me that asked why did I leave his memory in my mind? Was it a failsafe in case one of those prophecies turned out to be true and Connor's destiny caught up to him? Or did I do it because I was too selfish to let go, just too good at self-castigation? It whittled away at my soul, knowing he lived without me being a part of his life. Was that why I was in such a hurry to die to help Buffy? Or was it why I was grateful she sent me on my way?  
  
Every day, I battled myself over this decision. I couldn't silence the part of me that screamed that taking anything from Wolfram and Hart was stupid, that it was bound to turn around and bite me in the ass. I had been waiting a year for that bite but so far so good. Still, there were the little things that were subtly going wrong. Lorne, Gunn and Fred were drifting apart from me and Wes. Wes was overly involved in starting up the Watchers and Fred seemed to float between him and Gunn. When any of them looked at me, I felt like they were accusing me of selling them out, for making that executive decision. Yet I know they would have made the very same choice. They had all been tempted by Lilah and her cronies.  
  
Somewhere around two in the afternoon, guilt overwhelmed me and I headed out through the sewers. I knew of a French bakery that Cordy had liked. It was possible to get to it from below and I could approach the counter without getting near the display windows which was important in the light of day. Of course, they were closing early for the holiday and since I hadn't made prior arrangements, I had to select from the confections that were left over. Still, I managed to get a frothy-looking cake and some sort of fruit tart. I hoped it would make a good peace offering for Thanksgiving dinner. I shouldn't have been so harsh to Dawn. I should have been happy she felt so strongly, so good about me that she wanted me to be there for a day of family time.  
  
I was reminded of the day Whistler first found me and tried to get me to live in the world. Thoughts of Doyle also bubbled up. He tried his best to reconnect me to life. Now, Dawn was doing the same but her job was so much harder. I had lost so much this time. Cordelia, my granddaughter, my son and, in some ways, even Buffy. Things would never be the same between us, even more so than ever before.  
  
I headed up under Xander's apartment complex and into the shared laundry room. Dawn wasn't expecting me at all and she wasn't expecting the others until a handful of hours away. Wes and Xander were working late and Gunn was, well I wasn't sure what he was doing. He had been odd and secretive ever since we had agreed to Wolfram and Hart's deal.  
  
I had a key to the apartment. I'd just let myself in and surprise Dawn. I know she'd be happy to see me. Buffy had let slip just how disappointed Dawn was in me for turning down her invitation to dinner. It hadn't been a rebuke but it hurt just the same. I could easily take time to eat a meal I couldn't really taste and meet her boyfriend. Dawn hadn't told me much about him other than he was smart and pre-law. I suspected she thought I told Buffy every move she made and wanted some things to remain private. She wasn't entirely wrong about that. And my lack of enthusiasm for her dating a wanna-be lawyer had helped to keep Dawn quiet about this boy. I didn't even so much as know his name.  
  
I steeled myself. I wasn't good at social events but how hard could this be? I had nothing to fear from a teenaged boy and if things started going bad, well Xander would be here sooner or later. He was better at keeping things light than any of us. Juggling the desserts, I fished out my keys and quietly let myself in.  
  
I stopped there in the little foyer. I had missed the soft sounds of kissing from outside the door, too wrapped up in my own little world but I couldn't miss the smells of sweat and sex now that I was inside the apartment. Against my better judgment, I took a few steps towards the living room. I could see Dawn's back, alabaster and glistening with perspiration. She was too involved with her lover to notice me. They were on the floor by the 60's roundish space ship-like wood-burning stove in the corner of the living room, taking full advantage of the fact they'd be alone for another few hours.  
  
The desserts almost ended up on the floor as I caught a glimpse of Dawn's boyfriend whom she had pinned firmly against the rug. The would-be lawyer frat boy she had fallen for was my son. There was a strange sensation inside my chest, like my heart had suddenly started beating or I couldn't catch my breath, as if I had any. And like a coward, I slipped just as quietly out the door. I put my back to the hallway wall then slid down it into a heap on the floor. I waited. I'm not sure for what. I knew I was not going to go back in there and sit down to dinner with Connor. I couldn't do it. There was only so much I could take. I was giving them time to finish, just so I could leave my peace offering for Dawn, for what little it was worth without me there. I scrawled an apology on the cake box and after a time I rang the doorbell and ran.  
  
In a school that big, Dawn somehow ran into Connor. I couldn't believe it was coincidence. And he's a clever pre-law student? I think I was feeling that bite from Wolfram and Hart that I've been expecting. Maybe it was just random chance but in my life, how often did that happen? I knew I had done a devil's deal. This could just be their way of putting the screws to me for being so naive and desperate. They could very well be grooming my son to work for them. Lilah probably thought it was highly amusing.  
  
And how to end this between them without making Dawn hate me? Maybe I didn't have to do anything. They were young, hopefully fickle. Maybe they'd drift apart without my interference. Or maybe not. Did I dare take that chance? Dawn was the Key. I'm not sure any of us knew just how human she was. Was Glory's realm the only one she was a key to? Was she human enough to be fertile? That was my great fear. Wolfram and Hart couldn't make Connor fully human any more than they could make me alive. Up until now, my fear was Connor would be in a situation that would end badly thanks to his superior strength, something I had been too distraught to consider when I made the deal. I only saw that flaw in my actions with that oh so perfect hindsight. What if he and Dawn were to have a child? It might be even worse than Jasmine. Or it could be normal? There was no way of knowing and I had no one I could talk this over with. Connor didn't exist. Xander and I might be able to impress on Dawn the importance of safe sex. Or could we? I never did make it through the big sex talk with Connor, leaving it to Cordelia. How was I to know she'd make it show and tell?  
  
I couldn't talk to Dawn about this. The best I could do would be to tell Buffy that Dawn had a boyfriend and let her handle it. I looked around at the sewer juncture before me, not realizing I had run so far. It was just a few blocks to the private nursing home Cordelia had been placed in. I made my way up into the building. A red-headed young nurse smiled at me.  
  
"Hello Mr. Angel, here to see Cordy?"  
  
I managed a smile for her. "Yes, Anna. Is she in her room?"  
  
"She's down at the big party. Want me to get her for you?" Anna got up from the nurse's station.  
  
I shook my head. It was dark now, so I was safe from the big, bright, airy windows in the home. "I'll get her."  
  
I hated this place. You could smell the death here, the sharp tang of hopelessness mixing the stench of urine and feces. There were only twenty lost souls here, all younger, most of them victims of car accidents or disease, like Cordy's roommate, Liza, who had M.S. The nurses aides had them all in the rec room, playing balloon volley ball, or at least the ones who could still move. Cordy and the other coma victims were lined up along the wall facing the big screen tv. Every time I came here I wanted to just let my demon go and put them all out of this misery. I wanted to scream when I heard parents talking about their miracle children, the ones who had survived the accident, while all the time they're trying to get sips of soda into what was left of their child. Wolfram and Hart were researching magical ways of reviving Cordelia. No one trusted them so Wes, Fred and myself were doing so as well. Lilah had suggested putting Cordy in suspended animation, much like what Holtz had endured, to spare her the bed sores and such but we voted it down. What if it took too long? Would Cordy want to be awoken decades down the road with immortal me still with her? That might be worse than dying.  
  
They had prettied Cordelia up for the Thanksgiving party. She was in a bright blue dress and her nails had been painted to match. But the image was marred by the white compression stockings that reached her knees and kept her from getting blood clots in her legs, and the lambs wool booties that helped to keep her from getting heel sores further ruined the picture. At least the urine bag was covered by a tie-dyed pouch. I could understand why the aides tried their best to make the residents look good. Maybe somewhere deep down, Cordelia knew and appreciated it.  
  
I wheeled her geri chair out onto the back patio. The smell of jasmine there almost drove me back inside. I don't think I would ever be able to stand the scent again but the air felt cool and clean. The wind ruffled Cordelia's hair. I sat beside her, taking her hand.  
  
"You look beautiful tonight, Cordelia." I told her that most every night I found time to visit with her. And I told her about Connor, just like I always did. I'm not sure why since I took such pains to remove him from everyone else's mind. I think it was my way of admitting that I knew Cordelia was never going to wake up, that Jasmine had destroyed her mind. I couldn't escape thinking I should have helped Cordelia to move on and leave behind this pain. But if there was a chance she could recover, I had to take it. So I spent Thanksgiving telling her about how we were all doing, about Dawn and how she was dating Connor now. I spared her the image that was seared into my mind's eye of Dawn grinding on top of my son. I talked to her until it was time for her to be put to bed. I left before having to watch that. I couldn't stand seeing her in that swing thing they used to move patients around, dangling there like meat. I needed to work off the slow burn that had been building all night. I almost pitied the first demon I met. 


	4. Surviving Finals

All that we see or seem  
  
Is but a dream within a dream. Edgar Allen Poe - Dream within a Dream  
  
CHAPTER FOUR - CONNOR December 2004  
  
I was exhausted. I hadn't slept well crammed against the wall on Dawn's too- thin, too narrow dorm room bed. Dawn was still asleep on her side, curled alongside me. She didn't like to stay in the TKE house and I could understand that. Paloma was already gone for the holidays, her finals over two days before Dawn and mine, so I could stay the night without making anyone uncomfortable.  
  
I kissed Dawn's shoulder and tried to wiggle out from behind her without waking her up. I needed to sneak to the restroom before someone caught me. Guys weren't allowed to use it and the rest room for us was in a locked part of the dorm as we weren't allowed in until eight in the morning. Like that stopped anyone. By the time I got back, Dawn was awake. She smiled at me.  
  
"You look so cute," she said.  
  
"What? With my hair a mess, no make up and rumpled clothes?" I grinned at her, primping my hair. It needed a trim.  
  
"Now you're mocking me." She gave me that fake mad-face of hers that was so adorable.  
  
"Just a little," I admitted, leaning down and kissing her. "So what do you want to do now that you survived your very first round of college finals?"  
  
"Stay in bed for a week," she said, stretching wonderfully.  
  
I smirked. "That can be arranged."  
  
She winged the pillow at me. "You're such a guy." Dawn rolled out of bed and fetched her bucket of shampoo and soap and whatever else from her wardrobe. "First I want a shower then we can make a plan."  
  
"Okay."  
  
While she was gone I pulled the covers up messily. If I wanted to be really sweet, I could have changed the sheets and started the wash, but I hadn't totally ruled out a little more between the sheets play time though the showering now made such things unlikely. Still, no sense in taking the option off the books. I stretched out on the bed and turned on the tv. Her dorm might have some silly rules but at least it had cable. I turned on CMT and chilled out to Martina McBride's latest video. She had such beautiful eyes.  
  
I felt even more exhausted than I first thought. Between pre-Law and forensics, my brain was leaking out my ears. I figured it this way, if I somehow didn't get into law school, I could work in forensic science. I had a fascination with forensics, death and serial killers. There was something oddly compelling about it all and I loved working puzzles.  
  
Still, even Martina couldn't keep me awake and I faded out. One moment I was watching the video and the next Dawn was tickling my face with the end of her braid. She smiled down at me.  
  
"Tired you out?" She seemed very pleased at that.  
  
"I'm not complaining about it." I sat up, trying to smooth my wrinkled clothing without much luck. I needed to head home for a shower and some fresh clothes. "Any thoughts about what you want to do?"  
  
"Well, Buffy will be here in a week so I have time to prepare for that. I was thinking we ought to hit that new club you were talking about." Dawn sat next to me.  
  
"Over a hundred imported beers. Sid and I have been having fun there. Sidney's the one who turned me on to it," I said. Sidney went TKE the same time I did. He was probably my best friend, though sometimes he had a knack for getting me in trouble.  
  
"And good music, right." She gave me a look, stabbing a finger at the tv.  
  
"Country music is good music," I protested but I couldn't really convince her of that. "But the Around Midnight is mostly jazz and blues. You'll like it." Or at least I hoped so. I didn't know if Dawn liked that sort of music but she didn't seem unhappy at the announcement it was a jazz hole.  
  
"Good."  
  
"I bet you're excited to see your sister," I said. Dawn didn't talk about her family much. I knew her mother had passed away and her father was never around. It made me feel sad. I wouldn't know what I'd do without my family. She had told me Buffy lived in Cleveland which was sort of a shame. I could see Dawn missed her. That's why I was hoping she'd get into Alpha Sigma Tau. She'd have a nice second family here.  
  
Dawn smiled. "I can't wait." She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You are so good to stay around to meet her. I know she's excited to meet you."  
  
"Mom and Dad were cool about it. I'll just fly up to Aspen by myself and meet them there." I shrugged. Dawn looked a little disappointed or something with that. I try not to act like I have money but sometimes it's hard. I never even think about it much but I do have it better than a lot of kids, Dawn included. My parents gave me everything I've ever wanted. I had a 1966 convertible Mustang because Dad knew how much I liked muscle and pony cars. Hunter green, tan seats, it was too much of a car for a kid but I had wanted it so I got it. Dad's law firm made good money and he was more than willing to indulge me and my sisters.  
  
"I'm not getting out of L.A. but it'll be great to have Buffy here. She's bringing Faith."  
  
"Are she and Buffy...lovers?" I honestly didn't know much about Buffy, not even what she did for a living in Cleveland. I probably ought to ask but Dawn was never forthcoming with a lot of details about her life. I was torn between liking the mystery and being annoyed, like she didn't really trust me even though we were sleeping together. Of course I hadn't told her Dad was the lawyer you see every other commercial set, at least not right away. I didn't like people to know how much money Dad has and I'd been burned before by people who wanted me for my money. Tracy sprang to mind  
  
Dawn blushed a bit. "No. Buffy likes guys. Faith...well, if it has two legs and is still breathing she'd probably sleep with it. Maybe even if it weren't breathing." Dawn added that last under her breath but I heard her. I have great senses. I try hard to pretend I don't. She leveled her eyes at me. "You'd be safer to keep away from her. She'd break you."  
  
I didn't even have to fake the wounded look. "That hurts."  
  
"Trust me. Faith is sort of bad news." There was something hidden behind Dawn's eyes but I couldn't ferret it out as she paused, considering her next words. "But she's like part of the family now."  
  
"I'm looking forward to meeting them all. So, tonight at the Around Midnight?" I asked.  
  
She nodded. "Want me to meet you at the house?"  
  
"Sure." I moved in for a kiss.  
  
She kissed me quick then put a hand against my chest, pushing gently. "You can probably sneak out now or do you want to catch some more sleep here?"  
  
"Can think of a few other alternatives." I kissed her again, my tongue slipping into her mouth. She tasted like mint. She kissed me back but when I tried to push her into the mattress, she stopped me.  
  
"Uh-uh buddy, I'm clean."  
  
"I knew I should have stolen the body wash." I grinned at her and she shoved me. I had known I wasn't going to get lucky this morning but no harm in trying. I got up. "I should probably get home and make sure Sidney hasn't trashed my room."  
  
Dawn looked perturbed. I knew she liked Sid but sometimes lost patience with the hot water he got me in. "Why would he trash your room? He has one of his own."  
  
I shrugged. "If he trashed his, he'd have to clean it up."  
  
"Men." She looked appropriately disgusted at us.  
  
I just laughed and let myself out.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Dawn kept fussing with her hair as I drove. Okay, I should have put the top up, but I didn't get a convertible to drive around with the top up on a beautiful night like this. She could have braided her hair or something.  
  
I hoped Dawn would like this place. The Around Midnight wasn't the usual hang out with techno music so loud it could pulverize your brain and dance floors so packed it kept us from showing how bad we actually danced. I didn't mind those places. I enjoyed them but every so often I wanted something a little different, quieter.  
  
Sidney and I had been coming here since it opened. It wouldn't stay open long if they got caught serving minors but I had gotten us and Dawn the best fake id's; Dad's money at work. I'd never brought Dawn because I wasn't sure how she'd react to this part of my life since this is where the wanna-be coven met and talked magic to the sounds of blues and jazz. I wasn't ready to tell Dawn I believed in magic. It sounded too damn flaky.  
  
I wasn't sure how interested I was in what Sidney was getting me into. I hadn't really been raised in any faith. We were Protestant in name only. The church going was a Christmas-Easter thing, just so Dad could be seen, good for business. I had nothing against this Wiccan stuff. Sidney was nuts for it. I felt a little weird studying to be a mage. I hadn't believed in magic at first. I did now. I had done some wild stuff and there was an incredible lure, a power to be tapped into.  
  
I knew the importance of that. But I didn't trust our mentor, Amy. There was something off about her. She seemed more motivated by money than teaching us. She kept hinting if we wanted to go to the next level, there would be costs and they all seemed to be monetary. Then there was this geeky dumbass who was Amy's right hand man.I have no tolerance for idiots. Andrew might be smarter than I thought but he was so obsequious you couldn't tell. I couldn't tolerate Andrew. I wasn't sure why Amy did. She seemed smarter than that but they both came from the same town. I didn't know where exactly and I didn't like that bit of mystery either.  
  
Dawn ran her hand up my thigh. "Penny for your thoughts."  
  
"I'm thinking if you don't move your hand I'm going to wrap the 'Stang around a pole," I said so she moved her hand faster. "For the love of God, Dawn."  
  
She laughed, taking her hand off me. "You looked so serious there for a moment."  
  
"Just thinking." "Finals are over, baby. You don't have to do that any more." She smiled at me.  
  
Dawn didn't like dummies any more than I did or at least I didn't think so. Most days it felt like me and Dawn had known each other all our lives instead of just under two months. It was one of the reasons I had my special gift for her with me tonight. I hadn't taken her home to meet the folks yet but I would have if the opportunity had come up. I'd met Xander, Gunn, Fred and Wesley. They were nice enough. Fred and Wes were among the smartest people I'd ever met. Gunn was clever. And while Xander was obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was a nice guy. How many people would be willing to put up a friend's sister just so she could stay in California to finish high school? I was a little suspicious at first, older guy, teen-aged girl but that was just my morbid imagination and too many sex crimes texts digested for class. Xander and I traded anime and played D&D. I liked him.  
  
"I'll take a night off from thinking, I promise," I said.  
  
"A few beers will surely help," she replied as I pulled into the lot.  
  
"Thanks." I reached over and tried to take a snarl out of her hair. I guess I shouldn't have been a jerk about the convertible top.  
  
She pulled me close, kissing me. Her tongue probed the inside of my mouth. I gently pulled away, feeling stirrings below the belt that would just get me in trouble at the moment.  
  
"All we need to do is get caught parking a few days before your sister gets here. She'll kill me."  
  
Dawn's Cheshire grin made the boys tighten; she was too amused by my impending death. "Without a doubt."  
  
We went inside. Sidney already had a table in the corner with a good view of the stage. I was glad he had since the bar was crowed. Totally Consumed was playing tonight and that blues band was simply on fire.  
  
"Hey Sidney," Dawn said, sitting down.  
  
"Hey guys, thought you got lost." Sidney's dark eyes danced as he smirked at me. "Or did you have to find a crowbar to get Connor off of you?"  
  
"Crowbar," she said perkily.  
  
"So I'm back in the dating pool I see," I said and she slapped me as I sat down.  
  
"So what do you want?" Sidney wiggled his pint glass. "I've got Tetley's."  
  
"They make more than tea?" Dawn inquired.  
  
"Good ale," Sidney assured her.  
  
"I'm going to try this Skullsplitter ale, sounds like fun." I loved experimenting with beers. This one was from the Orkneys. "How about you Dawn?" I asked.  
  
She made a face. "I'm not the beer connoisseur you two are. Can I get something else?"  
  
"Whatever you want," I said and Dawn selected a drink of Bailey's Irish Cream and Butterscotch Schnapps. She gave me a guilty look because the drink cost over five dollars. I wish she wouldn't worry about money so much. I know why she does. She only has that little job as a file clerk with Wolfram and Hart that doesn't pay much. I just wished she'd believe me when I tell her I like spending money on her.  
  
"Sidney, where'd you get that ring?" Dawn asked as Totally Consumed started their gig.  
  
Sidney fingered the ring on his middle finger, silver against the dark chocolate of his skin. It was a pentagram worked into knotwork to the point of being almost abstract. "I got it at Merlin's Dream. Do you like it?"  
  
"It's nice." Dawn gave him a wary look. "I didn't know you were into new age stuff."  
  
Sidney beamed. "I'm studying magic. My grandmother was a mambo in Louisiana but my dad hates all that stuff. I think he thinks it makes us look poor or ignorant. I think it's a good way to keep in touch with the world."  
  
"I've heard that. I've known a few Wiccans." Dawn stabbed the ice in her drink, agitated. Her voice was oddly flat.  
  
I could see Dawn was massively uncomfortable with the subject. God, Sidney don't tell her I'm going to those meetings with you. I'd have to talk to Dawn about this privately and see why it sort of made her nervous. If she wanted me to quit, I would.  
  
"Cool," Sidney said. "Maybe you'd like to come to a meeting some time."  
  
Dawn shook her head. "Thanks but it's not...you know, maybe after the holidays I will."  
  
That surprised me. There was a strange glint in her eyes. Never let it be said I actually understood women.  
  
"So what did you think of Connor's surprise?" Sidney asked and I could have killed him.  
  
"What surprise?" Dawn looked up from her drink.  
  
"Sidney," I hissed.  
  
"What? Man, haven't you given it to her yet?" Sidney ran a hand over his shaved head. Now that I thought about it, he sort of looked like Gunn. "Damn Connor, it was all you could talk about. I thought you'd have given it to her by now. Or were you too busy showing her that twig of yours again? She's probably seen enough of that."  
  
Dawn nearly choked on her drink and I gave Sidney the finger, feeling my cheeks burning. "I was going to wait until tonight when we were alone," I said.  
  
"I'm not sure I can wait." Dawn was practically bouncing in her seat.  
  
"I"m sure you can't." I glared at my friend. "Thanks Sid."  
  
"Sorry." He sounded anything but. He was smiling so big the corners of his mouth could meet at the back of his head.  
  
I dug into my pants pocket and took out the ring box. I opened it, seeing how bright Dawn's eyes had gotten. "This is my Irish side showing through," I said. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my hands shook. I tried to hide it by picking up my beer, taking a nervous sip. "It's based on Richard Joyce's wife's wedding ring or so the story goes. Wear it with the heart out and you're searching for love but if you wear it heart in, you've found it." God, that really sounds silly but it was a beautiful ring, at least to me. The heart was Connemara marble and the crown was set with sparkling tiny opals on a silver band. Dawn's expression wasn't quite what I hoped for. It was a mix of wonder and horror.  
  
"Is something wrong?" I shouldn't even ask. I didn't want to know. Maybe I had jumped the gun. Maybe Dawn wasn't ready to commit.  
  
"--nothing. It's beautiful." Dawn took the ring out of the box, her hand shaking so much she nearly dropped it. "I don't know what to say."  
  
"Tell him you'll wear it. I'm not ready to have him crying on my shoulder all night," Sidney said, leaning back, loose-limbed, in his chair.  
  
I gave him the evil eye. "You like it?"  
  
"I love it. I was just thinking...Buffy got a Claddagh from a boyfriend once...." Dawn trailed off.  
  
"And it didn't go good," I guessed.  
  
"Understatement of the year. But that was Buffy and the bad things there, well, they aren't things we'll ever have to worry about." Dawn slid the ring onto her slim finger.  
  
I took her hand, rubbing the ring with my thumb. My hand was still trembling. She leaned into me, kissing me. She tasted spicy and sweet, butterscotchy.  
  
"Oh, get a room you two," Sidney said, waving down the waitress.  
  
I was thinking the back of my car but even as thin as we both were, we'd be too cramped in the Mustang. I broke the kiss when the less-than-sensitive waitress asked me if I wanted a refill. "Make it a Guinness this time and another Smooth Sax for her," I replied.  
  
Dawn smiled, putting her hand on my thigh again. Sequoia was taking notice. That was the last thing I needed here. Down boy. The waitress came back quickly with the drinks as Totally Consumed kicked out some scorching riffs.  
  
"The ring was a Christmas gift but he couldn't wait so he had to run out and get you another gift for under the tree," Sidney said.  
  
"Sidney," I moaned. Can't a man have secrets?  
  
"I didn't think he'd make it through finals without exploding, he was so up about that ring," Sidney was just putting the screws to me at this point.  
  
"Connor, the ring was more than enough. You didn't need to get me a second gift. My gift is going to look sad by comparison," Dawn said, genuinely looking distressed about that.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Dawnie. He's a guy. Just give some attention to Fat Freddy and that's gift enough," Sidney said and I kicked him under the table.  
  
Dawn's eyebrows arched. "Fat Freddy?"  
  
"I do not call it that." I could feel myself blushing. I learned quickly you can't hide behind a pint glass.  
  
"Do you want to know what he does call it?" Sidney leaned on the table, grinning.  
  
"Is that what you boys do? Sit around the frat house, drinking and naming your penises?" Dawn gave us a disgusted looked.  
  
"Well, yeah," Sidney said.  
  
I just rolled my eyes. If he tells her about the dick measuring contests, I'll kill him. I took a gulp of my Guinness then scowled. There was a man at the bar whom I had seen hanging around some of the other college bars and even our parties at the house. He was odd, youngish but not so young as to fit into the frat house scene. He had scary eyes. He was always watching me. Sometimes he was really good at it and only luck let me catch a glimpse of him. He always looked the same, silly spiky brown hair and black leather like he was taking a shot at fashion and missed. It was getting really creepy, seeing him turn up time and again. He was a lot bolder tonight, openly staring at me.  
  
"I've had enough of this guy," I said.  
  
"What?" Dawn looked around, trying to see what I did.  
  
I pointed with my pint glass to the guy. "I've see him hanging around the college. He's always staring at me."  
  
"A perv?" Sidney craned his neck.  
  
"Probably. I'm getting tired of him checking me out," I said with a shiver. I didn't have problems with homosexuals but I didn't want some older dude fantasizing about me.  
  
"He's not a pervert," Dawn said, irritation etching into her face. I could tell it was for this weird guy. "That's Angel."  
  
"You know him?" I was surprised.  
  
"For years. He's a friend and if you saw him around the school he was probably looking for me. Or more likely looking out for me and telling Buffy whatever he sees." Dawn scowled, getting up.  
  
She went over to the guy and started talking to him. She didn't look too happy and neither did he but he never did from what I've seen.  
  
"I'd better go over there," I said. I didn't trust Dawn with this guy. He had the air of a predator. Maybe that was a semester of studying serial killers talking but I couldn't help it. The guy's eyes were dead looking.  
  
"She might not want you riding to the rescue," Sidney said, not looking like he wanted to get up. "She said he was a friend."  
  
"Well, if he's a friend, I should meet him." I had to know more about this guy. It's not that I didn't trust Dawn's judgment but some guys seemed utterly charming and were monsters underneath it all. I wandered over and they both looked at me like I was intruding. "Everything okay, Dawn?"  
  
"It will be if Angel quits spying on me." Dawn crossed her arms.  
  
The man looked indignant. "I'm not spying. I'm here on business, seriously," he insisted and Dawn didn't look mollified. I think she was ready to hit him and I think he knew it too because his face softened as he added, "You really need to leave, Dawn."  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
Dawn put her hand on my chest. I pulled her against me protectively. "It's okay, Connor. Angel's a private investigator." "So why do we have to leave?" I persisted.  
  
"Dawn knows why," Angel said. He was looking at me funny. It was making me even more nervous.  
  
"Angel deals with some real bad guys. If he says we might want to come back another night, that's exactly what we want to do," Dawn said. "Angel, this is my boyfriend, Connor."  
  
Angel looked at me even more strangely. He didn't extend a hand to me and I didn't offer either. "Nice to finally meet you, Connor. Dawn's told me a lot about you."  
  
"You would have met at Christmas," Dawn said, sounding nervous. "But maybe now's better. Angel is the head of Angel Investigations, part of Wolfram and Hart's law firm. He's sort of Xander, Gunn, Wes and Fred's boss."  
  
"I see." This man didn't seem like a boss. I'm not sure what he looked like, a thug maybe. Dad had investigators that worked for his firm, too, so that part sounded kosher. Angel just didn't come off like an investigator to me. He seemed too intent on me and not paying enough attention to anything else. It made me really nervous.  
  
"I'm sure we'll get to talk at the holiday party," Angel said.  
  
"You will," Dawn said, putting her hand on my chest, trying to turn me around.  
  
Angel's eyes flashed to the Claddagh and he took her hand. He looked at us both so sadly that I had to wonder why. It seemed like such an out of place emotion on that big blocky face of his. "It's beautiful, Dawn."  
  
She beamed, squeezing his hand. "Connor just gave it to me."  
  
His eyes pinned me and I was right back to feeling terribly uncomfortable. "You have good taste. Dawn, you'd better go."  
  
She nodded. "Come on, Connor. When he tells you that, you know things are gonna get ugly. We should get Sidney out of here, too."  
  
I let her lead me back to the table. I tried to keep my eye on Angel. His never left me and Dawn. I'd have to ask her his last name. I wonder if my Dad knew anything about him or Wolfram and Hart. I knew Dad admired Wolfram and Hart in the abstract. Totally different kind of law than what he practiced or the kind I wanted to pracitce someday.  
  
"Sidney, we're heading out," I said, waving him up.  
  
"What? Why? The night's...oh, god. Stick some ice down your pants."  
  
"Not funny. Why don't you come with us? We can catch a late movie or something," I said, taking Dawn at her word about things getting dangerous. I could see she was worried.  
  
"Is something up?" Sidney asked, looking alert now.  
  
"We just want to do something a little different," Dawn said.  
  
"Okay." Sidney followed us outside. "Tell you what, I'll call it an early night. You two go have fun."  
  
I smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks, bud."  
  
We got back in my Mustang and I waited until we were out on the road before asking, "Do you trust this Angel character, Dawn?"  
  
"Yeah. He's a good guy most of the time. He and Buffy used to be...well, he was the one who gave her the Claddagh. It might not have worked out but they're still friends, sort of. Angel wants what's best for me, believe me," Dawn said. "He wouldn't hurt me or let anyone else hurt me.  
  
She was holding something back. I could tell but I wasn't going to press her on it. "So, do you really want to go see a late night movie?"  
  
She shook her head. "Let's go back to your place this time. The room is a little bigger." She smiled at me.  
  
"Great."  
  
And it was. Dawn usually didn't want to stay the night at the frat house but things were different now. I could feel it. We had taken the next step. Too bad that Angel guy had ruined the night for us. But it didn't matter. The really important stuff had turned out okay. I just wish I could shake the uneasy feeling I had about Angel. 


	5. Meeting the boyfriend

CHAPTER FIVE - Buffy December 2004  
  
"So they're just sleeping in the hotel and working at Wolfram and Hart's offices," Faith asked as she and I shared a limo to the Hyperion. It was a smallish one and the bar was stocked with fruit juice only. Angel was in for an earful from Faith about that, Wes too. Hey, if I had to hear her complain most of the way to the hotel, then so should they.  
  
"For the hundredth time, yes." I let my head flop back onto the seat.  
  
"I can't believe it." Faith dug into the trail mix that was in the fridge along with the fruit juice. I was too beat to be hungry. We had a rough night before our early flight.  
  
"You keep saying that, too. You've been saying that for a year now. You plan on ever telling me why?" I glanced over at my fellow Slayer and was surprised at the worried look on Faith's face. In my experience Faith worried about very little. "Seriously Faith, it's time someone let me in on whatever it is that I'm not getting here."  
  
Faith's face went from worried to contemplative. That scared me. "Wolfram and Hart were the ones that hired me to kill Angel," she whispered, not meeting my eyes. "I nearly killed Wes instead but you know that part. That's when I got jailed. They were bad news then. When Angel told us what they were doing, I thought for a moment he'd switched sides again. But that wouldn't explain the rest of them going along for the ride. I guess they're working an angle. I just don't know what."  
  
"And you're just telling me this now!" I sat up straight. I could have throttled her. Why would she keep that sort of secret from me? Why would Angel? I could hear the toilet flushing down my vacation already and we hadn't been in L.A more than an hour. "It's been over a year. Dawn works for them. Damn it, Faith. How could you not tell me? How could Angel not?"  
  
"I thought maybe Angel had told you." She shrugged. "And I trust Angel, B. He knows what he's doing."  
  
That urge to crush her surfaced again at the implication I didn't trust Angel as much as she did. "I don't like this, Faith."  
  
"Well, I didn't either. But Angel's a big boy." Faith scowled. "Look, I'm not fighting with you over this. We're here to have fun. I didn't tell you. Can't change it now. Has Dawn seen anything bad? Xander? No."  
  
That was so besides the point, it wasn't funny. But she was right. This wasn't the time to argue. "What could he be doing with them if they're the enemy? Does he know they paid you to take him out?"  
  
Faith nodded. "Like I said, he must have some angle."  
  
I flopped back. Why was I always outside the loop? Was it me cutting myself off like I have a tendency to do or is Angel trying to protect me again? "He told me Wolfram and Hart gave him that amulet, the one Spike wore into battle. I thought they were some of the good guys."  
  
"They probably had their own angles to play. Angel wouldn't let anything happen to Dawn, Buffy. You know that." Faith guessed the real source of my distress. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to Dawn.  
  
"This traffic is awful," I muttered, hoping to end the topic. I glanced at my watch. It was barely past noon. Me and Faith had taken an early flight and we were both jet lagged.  
  
"How are you about seeing him?" Faith's dark eyes held a cautious look that I was unaccustomed to.  
  
I didn't want to talk about Angel with Faith. It was too hard, too much history. But I couldn't just ignore her. "Okay, I guess. And you?"  
  
Faith ran a hand through her tousled hair. "Look, B, there's nothing between me and Angel, not like that. He's like...I don't know, a big brother or something. He was the one person who's ever believed me in. I'm not going to mess that up with sex, even if he could. Angel, the Mayor, they're the only guys who've treated me like something more than a blow-up sex toy."  
  
I gazed at her sadly. I could hear the pain in her voice. Faith wasn't one for sharing but the glimpses into her past I got were ugly. It made me appreciate what I had. "And Giles. He never thought of you like that. And what about Robin?"  
  
Faith's lips twisted. "Robin was different. But he wanted to get too serious. I guess we might run into him out here, too. He's still helping Wes with setting up the Council."  
  
"Well, his last place of employment did get sucked into hell. How do you put that on a job resume?" I forced a smile. "And the things he saw changed him."  
  
"Having a Slayer mom changed him long before that." Faith craned her head looking out the side window as the cab slowed down. "We're here."  
  
The limo driver helped us with our bags. Angel had told us the front door would be open in anticipation of our arrival. At first, I had thought it weird that Xander didn't want to live here, Dawn, too, but then after living with Faith I understood. She and I had no choice. We didn't make enough to live separately but it isn't fun to live with the people you work with. Xander and Angel didn't really like each other. Dawn would have been better off here but I knew she was clinging to Xander for comfort and he to her. He needed someone to help him over his losses and I was proud of Dawn for taking that role. Fred was the only one living with Angel at the moment, and Lorne but he was busy rebuilding his club. Angel said it was unlikely the demon would be at home.  
  
Faith and I had barely gotten the door closed behind us and lugged our bags to the front desk when Angel came down the steps. His skill at missing patches of sunlight was amazing but I guess he's had lots of practice. A tickle of rage ran up my spine. I wanted to rip him a new one for not telling me about Wolfram and Hart but I wouldn't. I was making a real effort to be adult about these things. Not everything could be handled by a screaming fit. I'd talk to him when we were alone. His smile actually touched his eyes. He was happy to see us, a hint of tension in his face, too, but not as much as I feared.  
  
"I'm glad you made it safely," he said, holding his arms out.  
  
We both hugged him. He was warmish. He must have been under his electric blanket, reading, when we came in. Angel would do that sometimes, to make it easier to be close to him. Sometimes it was like snuggling with a Butterball turkey fresh from the fridge. Same with Spike, so I must have a taste for it. I shivered. It was best not to think about it.  
  
"We're just glad to be here," I said, trying not to yawn in his face. At least Faith had managed some sleep on the plane earlier.  
  
"And we could use a little sack time. Remind me why we had to catch a flight out before dawn?" Faith groused.  
  
"Ask Wes. You can have your pick of rooms up on the second floor." Angel stabbed a finger skywards. "I gave the workers the day off, figuring you might want to take a nap."  
  
I glanced around, noticing fresh paint and part of the old ceiling was gone. Under it was ornate wood beams. "Renovating?"  
  
Angel nodded. "Xander and his crew are busy trying to restore this place to its original state. It's a beautiful old place, really. They're working on the third floor, shoring it up first then getting to all the detail work. Wolfram and Hart's footing the bill. I figure they'll get it done just in time for some demon to come along and burn it to the ground."  
  
"That's our Angel, always the optimist." Faith grinned, chucking his shoulder.  
  
He rolled his eyes, grabbing our suitcases. "I'll help you upstairs." He hefted them then looked between us. "How long did you say you were staying?"  
  
I laughed. "Poor Angel, you've been around for over two centuries and you still know nothing about how women pack."  
  
"I know you're all nuts," he mumbled under his breath.  
  
Before we could comment or he could escape upstairs, the front door opened. Dawn bounced in holding hands with a scrawny kid. Oh, don't tell me this was the boyfriend. He was not at all what I was expecting. He was in a red T-shirt with white lettering, TKE, whatever that meant, and baggy jeans. Not those ridiculous baggy hip-hop jeans, but baggy none the less, probably because there wasn't enough of him to fill them out. Wearing a comfy- looking University shirt, Dawn was across the lobby before he even had the door shut and nearly knocked me down, hugging me.  
  
"I couldn't wait until tonight to see you." Dawn squeezed me so tight I heard ribs creaking.  
  
"I missed you so much," I whispered into her hair.  
  
"I'm going to take the bags upstairs. You two can put them wherever later," Angel said. "Hello, Dawn. Nice to see you again, Connor."  
  
Okay, so the little twig was her boyfriend. He merely nodded at Angel. Neither of them seemed happy to see each other. I'd have to talk to Angel about that, too. I know he hadn't seemed thrilled when he met the kid for the first time last week. Dawn hugged Faith as Angel disappeared upstairs.  
  
"Buffy, meet Connor. Connor, this is Buffy and our friend, Faith."  
  
He smiled at me, coming across the lobby to shake my hand. He moved funny, loose limbed, almost like an animated rag doll but he had a good hand shake. Still, he was amazingly girlie. He practically looked corseted he was so wasp-waisted but then again, this being L.A. he might just actually be wearing a corset. I so did not want to know if it was nature or accentuation.  
  
"Pleased to meet you at last, Buffy," he said, smiling even more broadly. The kid had a strange, creepy kind of smile and I was wondering what Dawn saw in him. I know that was shallow of me, basing my impression on mere looks. I guess there was still a little of the superficial cheerleader in me that hadn't quite been killed off. But still there was something odd about him, a little tickle up the spine, sort of like my 'spidey' sense but Angel would know if this kid was demonic. He'd be able to smell it or something. And he was breathing and out in the middle of the day so he wasn't a vamp.  
  
As he offered his hand to Faith, I looked at my sister. I could see how happy she was for us to meet Connor, hoping for my approval. Then I saw it on her finger, a Claddagh, and I felt all the color leave my face. I hear Faith telling Dawn that Connor was a cutie but it didn't really register. I could imagine her usual 'do me' look on her face as she said it but I couldn't focus past that Claddagh. It was fancier than the one Angel had given me. Dawn hadn't mentioned a word to me about this ring. Either she didn't want me to know, or at least wanted to tell me in person. That had to be it, or else that ring would be hidden somewhere.  
  
"Are you okay, Buffy?" Dawn asked. She might have said something before that but I missed it.  
  
"I'm fine." I took her hand so I could have a closer look at the ring and a touch of panic hit her eyes. "This is lovely, Dawn. It really is." I meant that. I could see the puppy dog look in Dawn's eyes when she glanced at Connor and vice versa. I wanted her to feel that sweet, innocent kind of love with a nice normal boy. He couldn't have known what the Claddagh meant to me, sort of like poor Scott. That seemed so long ago, a life time or more.  
  
She hugged me again, our foreheads touching. "Thank you, Buffy. I thought about you," she whispered. "And I almost..."  
  
"I'm glad you didn't, Dawn," I said then tried to stifle a yawn. "Sorry. Faith and I are beat."  
  
"Of course. We figured we were just going to drop by, say hi and say we want to take you to dinner tonight if you feel up to it." Dawn gestured to Connor.  
  
"You, too, Faith," Connor piped up. I noticed the Claddagh on his finger now, too, plainer, pure silver but cut to reflect light. It was still fancier than Angel's but Angel's big hands were all I could see in my mind's eye. Of course, this kid had big hands, too, too big for his delicate wrists.  
  
"McDonalds or Wendy's?" Faith asked and Dawn gave her arm a warning whack.  
  
"Oh, I was talking about something a little more sit down," Connor said, "It's my treat."  
  
"You don't have to do that, Connor," I said. I didn't want him to feel he had to impress me and go broke doing it.  
  
"I know but I want to. It's okay. Dad said I could use the credit card. Believe me, he can afford it. Angel can come, too, if he likes," Connor replied, seeing Angel on the second floor landing, just sort of watching us.  
  
"We'd love it, thank you," I said, shooting Angel a look. I knew how he was about eating but it wouldn't kill him to be social for Dawn's sake. Connor beamed at me. He looked a little relieved to have some additional company along. I could understand that. This has to be like meeting the parents for him because I'm as close as he's going to get. It's not like Dad is going to come strolling back into our lives.  
  
"Great. Dawn and I would have picked you guys up today but Sid needed his car so I couldn't borrow his Civic," Connor said.  
  
"Oh, like he'd let you." Dawn sniffed. "Sid would have wanted to trade you for Baby."  
  
"Not in this lifetime," Connor said and I was thinking, 'Baby?' "Sid would have her wrapped around a pole."  
  
"Sports car?" I guessed uneasily. Ooo, I so don't like the idea of Dawn's boyfriend having a sports car.  
  
The pride in Connor's eyes was there for us all to see. "A '66 Mustang convertible, cherry."  
  
"Angel has a convertible," Faith said, looping an arm around Connor's shoulders. "Nice roomy back seat." She smirked at Dawn who was eyeing her evilly for touching her man and I could have throttled Faith.  
  
Connor looked up at Angel expectantly. Angel just shrugged, coming down the stairs. "It's a year newer than yours, a Belvedere GTX."  
  
The kid's blue eyes brightened. He looked more excited by that car than he was to meet me. I'll never understand men. "You have a Belvedere? Cool. Can I see it?"  
  
Angel shot him that half smile that used to make me melt. "It's in Wolfram and Hart's garage right now but some night you and Dawn can come over and take it for a drive if you want."  
  
"Oh boy, a night of watching men drool on cars." Dawn rolled her eyes but Connor was oblivious to her. I tried to swallow the giggle born from seeing her expression.  
  
"Thanks. Come on, Dawn. We ought to roll so Buffy and Faith can get some sleep," Connor said, looking at his watch.  
  
"In other words, _Law and Order _reruns are going to start soon and you have to get to a TV," Dawn said, rolling her eyes some more.  
  
He pouted, pulling her against his hip. What red lips this kid has. I was thinking is that natural or is it a shade of Clinque I ought to go look for. "We won't make it back in time for that."  
  
"Angel has a TV. He won't mind if we hang out down here, would you, Angel?" Dawn's hand sneaked into Connor's front pocket. Where did she learn to be naughty? _Get your hand out of there, little girl._  
  
Angel shook his head. "I'll be working but if you're in the break room, you won't bother me."  
  
"You have a TV?" I was surprised.  
  
"Technically it's Xander's. He and Dawn insisted," Angel replied.  
  
"Smart me. Now I'm in for an afternoon of Court TV," Dawn moaned.  
  
"Hey, we don't have to watch it," Connor said, looking a little miffed, disengaging himself from her.  
  
"You'll break out into hives if you miss it," Dawn said, kissing him.  
  
"I will not," he protested weakly, the miffed look fading into defeat.  
  
"Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, I know what'll be on TV, _Law and Order_. Oops, forgot Saturday, like you'd miss an episode of _America's Most Wanted_," Dawn said. "If you want to commit the perfect murder, just ask me. Thanks to all those forensic programs he watches, I know exactly what not to do."  
  
"Now you tell me, after I get out of jail," Faith said, chucking her on the shoulder. That throttling urge surfaced again.  
  
"What?" Connor shot her a puzzled looked  
  
Dawn took his hand. "Tell you later. The TV's this way."  
  
She didn't get more than two steps before the door opened and Wes came in. I sighed. I was ready to fall down and sleep on the stairs, not meet and greet more friends. He looked surprised to see us all in the lobby.  
  
"Oh, hello, Buffy, Faith. It's good to see you," he said, reaching for glasses that didn't exist any more. Guess he switched to contacts but his brain forgot to tell those long, nervous fingers of his. "Hello, Dawn, Connor. I wasn't expecting you."  
  
"Is something up, Wes?" Angel looked all business-like.

Wes shook his head. "I just needed something from the office that I forgot. I won't be long."  
  
As Wes headed into his office, a cel phone starts ringing and we all reach for our phones. I'm not sure why I am since mine doesn't play "_Margaritaville_,' but I guess it's reflex. Connor said hello into his phone then rolled his eyes. You could just see a teen-aged snit coming a mile off.  
  
"Mom, what?" The eye roll was joined by a heavy sigh. "Mom, I'm busy. I'm meeting Dawn's sister. Remember? I told you that. No, I haven't changed my mind. I'll be in Aspen next week.... no, Mom, Dawn doesn't want to come. This is the first chance she's had to see Buffy since the semester started and Buffy's standing right here. I'm sure she wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of me and Dawn sharing a hotel room all Christmas."  
  
The kid's a mind reader. I sure wouldn't. Dawn was beet red at this point and Faith was obviously amused. Angel looked upset. I couldn't figure out why he was so concerned looking. I guess he took his role of 'big brother' to Dawn seriously just like Xander.  
  
"Mom, go shopping, have fun. I'll be there just when I said I would. No, Mom, don't put...no...hi Dad." Connor sagged against the receptionist's desk. "Yeah, next week. No, Dad, the grades aren't out yet...no, I'm not lying. Dawn!" Connor held the phone out to my sister who yelled, 'Grades aren't posted yet, Mr. Fahy.' Connor put the phone back to his cheek. "See, Dad. I'll tell you the minute I know...I don't know how I did in statistics, Dad. I told you that yesterday and the day before. I studied really hard but I think I still got a B. The world won't end if I get a 3.8 this semester." Connor set the phone on the desk, glaring at it.  
  
Dawn leaned in toward me and whispered, "The world's going to end."  
  
"I can tell."  
  
Finally he scooped the phone back up. "Yes, Dad, I'm listening. Dad, I have to run. Buffy's here and I'm being really rude ignoring her to talk to you...Okay, the minute I know I'll tell you. Oh, hey, Dad, it's still okay to take everyone to the Pig 'n Whistle isn't it? Buffy, Dawn, and I thought it would be nice if Faith and Angel could come along, Wes and Xander, too, and the rest. Yeah, that's right, they all work for Wolfram and Hart, well, except for Buffy and Faith, of course. Okay, okay, I'll get the receipt. Bye Dad. Love you." Connor pocketed his phone and added, "Even if you drive me nuts."  
  
"Dinner's still on?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Oh yeah, Dad wouldn't miss out on entertaining some of Wolfram and Hart's employees. They practice a different kind of law so they aren't competition but they are a good contact so." Connor shrugged. "I'm technically on the books at Dad's firm as a customer service rep so this is one big business write off for him. Don't be shy and just order a salad or something tonight."  
  
"Dawn didn't mention your dad was a lawyer," I said. "Going to follow in his footsteps?" I was surprised at the slightly offended look on Connor's pale face. Didn't this kid ever get any sun? Was Dawn looking for the Scoobie-pale type?

"No, but I'm not telling him that. I love my dad but really, he can be the biggest slime ball ambulance chaser out there. I'm not kidding, some of his ads are embarrassing. I don't usually tell people I'm his kid. He does malpractice and personal injury law. Nursing homes are a favorite target. I didn't tell him I was going to Whispering Pines with Dawn to visit Cordelia. He'd have me passing out business cards to the families to sue the home for neglect and to the workers to sue for injuries. He already made me give some to Xander and his construction crew." Connor made a face. "I want to be a prosecutor. I want to speak for the victims. I figure I'll tell Dad that once I'm committed to a track in law school and it's too late to change."  
  
The kid had plans for the future. I liked that. I wouldn't mind Dawn dating that kind of lawyer. Then I realized the kid came from money and Dawn hadn't mentioned that either. Of course, he was planning on deceiving his father but I couldn't blame him. I took another hard look at Angel since he had the most peculiar expression on his face and had had since the phone rang. He looked like someone was carving his heart out with a dull spoon. I guess seeing Dawn and Connor reminded him of things he'd never have and it hurt seeing Angel like that.  
  
"Found it," Wes said, coming back out of the office. "I'll have time to visit with you and Faith tomorrow, Buffy."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Wes, I was going to take everyone out tonight for dinner. Would you like to come? I was thinking eightish," Connor said. "That'll give Buffy and Faith time to rest up or is that too late?"  
  
"It's fine with me," I said.  
  
"I'd like that, thank you, Connor," Wes said. "Shall we all meet here?"  
  
"Yes," Angel said. "Bring the GTX."  
  
Wes nodded and headed out.  
  
"Let's find that TV," Dawn said. "I'll call Xander and the others and see if they want to come. It's casual dress."  
  
I watched Dawn pull Connor away and then headed up the steps. Faith bounced up ahead of me. I took Angel's arm as I walked.  
  
"Is something wrong?" I asked, quietly.  
  
He shook his head. "Nothing."  
  
"You look...upset," I said, carefully. He sighed. The look in his dark eyes said he didn't want to talk period.

"I'm fine. Really. I'm just a little tired, too, I guess. It is early in the day for me."  
  
"I was thinking maybe it had to do with Connor," I said and he gave me a sharp look. I had hit a nerve but I had no idea why. "You didn't sound thrilled about him last week when you told me about him. He seems like a sweet kid but I thought there was some tension between you two when he first arrived."  
  
"I think he thought I was spying on him and Dawn when I saw them in that club. He didn't like that. It's nothing. I don't even know the kid, really," he said but I could see how uncomfortable he was. He wasn't going to tell me why though. I knew Angel well enough to know that so I let it drop.  
  
"I guess that would make anyone a little irritated. I'm going to hit the bed for a little while. Faith and I ran into a nest of vampires in Tower City and spent most of the night running them down. I mean, they were ruining a perfectly good upscale shopping center." I managed a smile and he wagged his head.  
  
"Did Faith shoplift anything?"  
  
"I think I saw a Fendi purse in her suitcase last night." Some things about Faith hadn't changed. "I'm glad you're coming with us tonight, Angel. It means a lot to Dawn." It meant a lot to me, too, but I didn't have to tell him that. He knew. I could see it in his eyes.  
  
"I'm just wondering what's on the menu I can actually taste." Angel stopped by my luggage where he had left it waiting in the corridor until I chose a room.  
  
"Spike used to swear by the Bronze's blooming onions." As soon as those words were out of my mouth I wanted them back. Why did I bring up Spike? I gave Angel an apologetic look.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind." He managed not to sound cool. "Need help with your bags?"  
  
"Nope, just point me to the first unoccupied room." He did and I flopped down and caught up on sleep.  
  
When I woke up, I showered, feeling much better. I was getting my nice holiday but even thinking that I was also thinking I had jinxed it. Yes, there were bumps in the road, like that ring, my bringing up Spike, but that was minor stuff. I was more curious as to why Angel was acting weirder than normal.  
  
I finally opened my suitcase and hung everything up. I tried to find the least wrinkled things I had. I'm a lousy packer and it was hard to figure out what to bring. Faith and I had taken to wearing heavy sweaters and turtlenecks in Cleveland but that was too hot for here. I selected chocolate slacks and a green handkerchief-hemmed gauzy camisole top. It was sort of 70's in style and I looked good in it. I knew Angel would notice and besides, they were the least wrinkled of the bunch and should be appropriate for the restaurant.  
  
Faith was on the landing as I came out of my room. She looked revived. "I could kill for a drink."  
  
"There's a kitchen in here somewhere."  
  
Faith rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you know Angel's not going to have the good stuff."  
  
"You may have to make do with water." I followed her down the stairs, thinking I could go for a cappuccino right now.  
  
Faith went off in search of liquid refreshment and I went to find Angel. His office was empty and rather lacking in business touches. I knew he no longer technically worked here but I could tell this had been his room. I could almost sense him here. The books were things Angel would have and most surprisingly were all the sketches around the room. I had never known Angel to display his work. He was good. I had known that, remembering the sketches he sent me as Angelus. These pictures were happier. There was a particularly nice one of Dawn. I might ask him if I could have it.  
  
I left the office, heading for the basement steps. Angel was coming up. He must have heard us moving around. Faith came back with dual glasses before I could say anything to him.  
  
"Found coke," she said, handing me a glass.  
  
"Thanks, Faith."  
  
"And I'd avoid the TV room if I were you unless you want to see Dawn pinning twig boy down on the couch." Faith's wrinkled her nose. "At least I think it was Dawn on top. Have you noticed that they have almost the same hair color and the same body type?"  
  
"Faith." Okay, she had a point. I just didn't want to think about it. I didn't really even want to think about Dawn kissing a boy. I just wasn't ready for her to be dating and I could hear Mom's voice echoing in my head, saying those words to me about Angel.  
  
"I'm not kidding." Faith shot a shit-eating grin at me. "Don't worry. They're still both clothed."  
  
"They had best be," Angel said for me. He looked as grouchy as I felt.  
  
"At least now they are." Faith's grin broadened.  
  
"My sister is not having sex with that boy," I said quickly then thought about it. Who am I kidding? She's in college now, all hormonal and ready to go. He might not be much to look at but Dawn, Wes and Xander all seemed to think he was bright. She could do much worse. I certainly had.  
  
"Yeah, right. He's a rich frat boy with a cool car. She's doing him."  
  
"Faith!" I felt my cheeks burning. She was crude but she was only saying what I was thinking. I looked to Angel for help. "Tell her, Angel."  
  
"Well, they were watching TV today. I'd have heard them otherwise." He looked relieved that he hadn't. "But I think Faith's a little more right than you on this."  
  
I eyed him evilly. He had known and hadn't told me. Of course, why should he? Dawn was older than I was when I first slept with Angel. At least her lover was alive and normal. Before I could say anything, Dawn came into the lobby carrying a gym bag.  
  
"Buffy, I'm going to go change in your room, if you don't mind. I can't wear this to the Pig 'n Whistle." She tugged on her T-shirt.  
  
"Sure, go ahead. Does Connor need Faith's room to do the same?" I asked.  
  
"No, he's already changed," she said then caught my look and flushed. "In the bathroom. Get your mind out of the gutter." She shoved me.  
  
"That would be more convincing, hon, if your hair wasn't a mess and your bra wasn't tucked into your pocket." Faith pointed at the bulge.  
  
Dawn turned redder and raced upstairs. Words escaped me. I hadn't expected Dawn to be so bold.  
  
Faith snorted. "I'm bored. I'm going out to check out the kid's car."  
  
"Whatever you do, don't hot-wire it, Faith," I said and she just shrugged. I glanced over at Angel. "Dare I go talk to the kid alone?"  
  
There was a hint of amusement in those chocolately eyes. "Want reinforcements?"  
  
I grabbed his hand before he could change his mind, dragging him along. Connor didn't notice us come in. He was leaning on his knees, intently watching someone demonstrating blood splatter patterns on the TV. He looked pretty cool and calm for someone who had just been pawing my kid sister's breasts, the little pervert.  
  
"No way it happened the way the perp said it did." Connor gestured at the TV. I guess he had heard us after all. "The blood splatters are all wrong."  
  
"Know something about blood?" There was something cold in my voice. I didn't want him to know anything about blood or death or how to kill. He glanced back over the couch at me. He seemed even paler now that he had changed his shirt for one the color of blood. He looked handsome but ghostly. "I just finished a class in it. Took one on serial killers, easy A's."  
  
"Sort of morbid, don't you think?" This wasn't really what I wanted for Dawn. I didn't want her to have to think about stuff like this. The program was now showing morgue photos. I was surprised at the grisly things they were allowing on television.  
  
"I guess, but it's important stuff. The more we know, the harder it is for criminals to get away." The look in his blue eyes told me be believed that, an idealist then.  
  
"And seeing dead people doesn't bother you?" Angel pointed to the pictures. He seemed disappointed or concerned.  
  
"Not as much as I thought it would. I did an internship at the LA county morgue last summer. Dad wasn't thrilled with that but it was really helpful." Connor's full lips pulled into a frown. "The smell is what bothered me the most. Well, some of the really violent stuff...I don't think you can get used to that. Those are the ones I want to see punished the most." He fell silent for a moment, glancing back at the TV. "I can turn it off if it's bugging you. We're about ready to go, as soon as Wes and Xander get here. Is Faith ready?"  
  
"Yes. Fred and Gunn aren't coming?" Angel asked. The look of dismay in his eyes had spread to take over his whole face as Connor had talked. I didn't even want to think about what this child had volunteered to see in the LA morgue and I think both Angel and I were grateful for the change in topic.  
  
"I never did get hold of Gunn. Wes said he was out of the office and he didn't know where. Fred's running some experiment that she can't take time away from," Connor answered, getting up. He turned off the television. He had on black slacks now. God, he was so thin. I know I have no room to talk but he made even Spike look heavy. He was probably the same height as Spike. And standing there in red and black, helped complete the image. Please tell me Dawn's crush on Spike hadn't translated into her finding this kid. No, Dawn had come to nearly hate Spike for what he had done to me. "Dawn shouldn't take too awfully long to get ready."  
  
"Are you sure you know my sister?" I smiled at him.  
  
He laughed. "Okay, so we have an hour or so. Are you glad to be out of Cleveland?"  
  
"I won't be missing the ice and snow. Are you from California, Connor?" This was hard. I hate making small talk. I used to be so good at it back in Hemery, back before I was Called but not any more. I didn't even really want to get to know new people. I'd just have to lie to them about what I did or worry that I might get them killed. Connor looked equally uncomfortable with it.  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, but I've been all over on vacation. I liked Alaska a lot."  
  
"Oh good, more cold. Still, the chill does make it feel more like Christmas than here does. This place could use a few Christmas touches," I said, glancing around the room.  
  
"Tomorrow, the tree trimming should take care of that," Connor said.  
  
Angel's brow knit. "Tree trimming?"  
  
"Didn't Fred tell you?" A concerned look flitted across his wan face. "She's getting a big tree and we're all invited. She planned a pot luck dinner, too. She even invited Sid."  
  
"I live here and know nothing but Sid knows." Angel paused, cocking his head at the boy. "Who's Sid?"  
  
"Sidney LeBeau, he's my friend. He was with me and Dawn at the club," Connor replied and Angel nodded, obvious remembering who Connor meant.  
  
"Well, I think a tree trimming sounds like fun," I said. "About tonight, any suggestions for dinner, Connor?"  
  
He nodded and I wish he hadn't. He reminded me of those bobble-head dolls. "Wasabi mash potatoes."  
  
I made a face. "What's wasabi?"  
  
"Japanese horse radish. It's good," he said, looking past me.  
  
I turned to see Dawn bounce in wearing a paisley handkerchief shirt and blue pants. Her clogs were right out of the 70's and put her a good two inches over Connor. He didn't seem to mind. He was probably used to it. I think she might be taller than him in her bare feet.  
  
"Faith said Wes and Xander just pulled up. Ready?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Yep." Connor took her hand, sparing me more awkward small talk.  
  
We went outside and Bander swamped me in a hug. He was looking good, slimmer than I remembered him. His new glass eye was so good I wouldn't have known what it was unless I had looked at him for a few moments. My heart clenched thinking about how I had gotten him maimed. When he let me go and quit babbling about how much he missed me, I noticed Connor separated from Dawn quickly, seeing the Angelmobile. His eyes were as big as saucers as he examined the car. "She's beautiful," he told Angel excitedly. Angel looked oddly pleased. I hadn't known he cared about things like cars.  
  
"The car's beautiful?" Dawn looked cross. "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you call anything beautiful and it's a car."  
  
"I've called you beautiful before," he replied, but it sounded like reflex. He was totally into the car. I think Dawn was likely to give him an extreme close up of the hood if Connor wasn't careful.  
  
"Are we all being friendly and squeezing in here?" Xander asked a little nervously.  
  
"I can drive, too," Connor said, gesturing at the red convertible parked just behind Angel's car. "I'll lead the way."  
  
"No street racing." Faith grinned, almost encouraging him to try it.  
  
"No worries. I know I can't take the Belvedere." Connor opened the door for Dawn. I liked seeing that.  
  
The front of the restaurant reminded me a little of an old theater and the inside made me feel like I was in a time warp. I couldn't begin to describe the ornate wood beams and Xander seemed captivated by them. I guess he was really getting into the whole preservation stuff now, especially working on Angel's hotel. The table was cosy and the wall sconces gave the place a warm light. I liked Connor's taste.  
  
"Is that Elizabeth Hurley over there?" Xander whispered.  
  
"Could be. Stars do come here," Connor replied as a blonde waitress bopped over to our table.  
  
"Hi, my name is Mercy and I'll be your server. Can I...oh, hi, Connor, Dawn. How are you guys tonight?" The blond grinned at them as she passed out the menus.  
  
"Great, Mercy. I didn't know you were working tonight," Connor said, uneasily. I didn't like that look. A second girlfriend? What's wrong with me? I was too busy envisioning disaster for poor Dawn's love life. Hopefully she'll do better than I ever did.  
  
"Almost every night any more. Couldn't you get your usual room?" Mercy asked.  
  
"Usual room?" I raised an eyebrow. What kind of kid had a usual room?  
  
"The blue room. It's so romantic. It has a private bar and you can have dinner for two on a canopy bed," Mercy said and I could hear my teeth grinding. "Or you can rent it out for parties."  
  
"Mercy, try having a little of your namesake, okay," Connor said, as red as his shirt. "We're with family."  
  
"Oh, are you his mom?" she asked directly to me.  
  
Mom? Okay, it should be all right to slay a few humans now and again. Xander, Dawn and Faith were offering themselves up for Slaying, too, if they didn't stop giggling. "Mercy, that's Buffy, Dawn's sister. Why don't you tell us the specials?" Connor suggested, half hiding behind his menu. Dinner in bed? I was so going to have a talk with this kid or just find a new place to shove a stake.  
  
Mercy did so, took our drink orders and spun her ditzy way toward the bar.  
  
"Um, so, any suggestions?" Wes asked, trying to break the tension.  
  
"Connor suggested the wasabi mash potatoes," I said, willing to let it go for now.  
  
"Oh no, don't get those, Buffy. I took one bite of his the last time we were here and my nose ran all night. It was that hot," Dawn said, wrinkling her nose. "I couldn't taste anything afterwards."  
  
"They're delicious," Connor argued. "They have great calamari here. I prefer the red pepper garlic sauce over the tomato."  
  
Wes' blue eyes lit up. "I do like calamari."  
  
"Isn't that squid?" Faith made a queasy face.  
  
"Yes," Dawn said, sharply. "Just know, Connor, if you get that I'm not touching squid lips for the rest of the night."  
  
Connor stared at her open-mouthed, then shrugged. "Want to share an order, Wes?"  
  
"Yes, I would."  
  
I stared at the menu. The prices were higher than I was comfortable with and I wasn't used to eating half the things on the menu. I knew if I got the Pig 'n Whistle burger, I'd hurt Connor's feelings. He wanted to show us a good time, something better than burgers. Besides, the cheese ravioli with tiger prawns was calling my name. How often did I get to eat stuff like that? I asked if he'd ever tried it.  
  
"Dawn has."  
  
"It's yummy, but I think I'll get the grilled veggies," Dawn said and I was shocked those cost more than the burger. "How about you, Angel?" I think Dawn was as nervous as I was that he'd eat nothing.  
  
"I was thinking about the grilled cracker crust pizza," he replied, looking somehow embarrassed that he was about to eat something. I looked at the menu, smoked salmon and onion pizza. I guess he took my thing about Spike and the onions to heart. "But that might be big enough for two."  
  
"It is. I was thinking of that myself. Want to share?" Connor asked and Angel flinched. I would swear to it. What was up with him and this kid? He was acting so weird, even for Angel who tended to define the word.  
  
"All right."  
  
"Sure, get the fish and onions. Not like I'm going to kiss you later," Dawn said. "Squid lips."  
  
"You should give the squid a chance," he replied, unoffended.  
  
While they dickered back and forth about the squid, Mercy returned with our drinks. Wes seemed utterly pleased that they had Shepherd's pie. I've had that at Giles'. I'm not sure why it would make anyone pleased. Xander went for the ribs and Faith for the steak and decided to share some California nachoes with everyone. Mercy wrote it all down with an intent look, as if afraid to screw up.  
  
"Great, I'll get this in and bring out your appetizers first," she said. "Oh, and Connor, we're having the coven yule party day after tomorrow. Everyone will be disappointed if you're not there." Mercy bounced off, not noticing the instant quiet of the table.  
  
"Coven?" I asked, horror in my voice. How could Dawn get involved with a mage? Then I saw the look on her face. She seemed confused.  
  
"Sidney's into Wicca," Dawn said. "He's Connor's friend but why would you be going to the party, Connor?"  
  
"Um." He ran a finger over his water glass, catching condensation. "I've sort of been going to the coven meetings, too."  
  
Dawn's face hardened. "And when were you planning on tell me?"  
  
"When I was sure I was going to stick with it or not. And I wasn't sure what you'd say." A defensive look flooded into his eyes. "I know it sounds weird but this stuff...it's..."  
  
"Real?" Dawn asked, harshly. "I told you I know some witches. Everyone at this table knows magic is real."  
  
Connor looked around uncomfortably at all of us. It had to be sort of a scary position for him. He could tell none of us approved. And yet in the back of my head there was this voice saying, 'a mage would be okay for Dawn. She wants to be a Watcher. This kid could be an asset.'  
  
"And we know it's nothing to be played with or treated lightly," Wesley said, cautiously.  
  
"We don't." Connor's jaw tightened. I could see the restrained temper in his big eyes. He had to feel under siege and I felt suddenly sorry for him but better he understood what he was doing then end up badly. He swallowed hard then continued, "Play around, that is. Our elder is very strict about that but I just don't know about her."  
  
Oh, I hated this. That little voice in my head saying it was okay was so wrong. I wanted normal for Dawn. A budding wizard isn't normal. And Angel looked utterly stricken. I guessed he had come to see himself as Dawn's protector and he hated this as much as I did. "What don't you know about?" My voice was stern enough to make Giles proud.  
  
"She likes money, a little too much. That's what Mercy's doing there. Mercy's daddy's in real estate but he earned his money, like my Dad did. He thinks she needs to work, hence her being here but he does give her a big allowance."  
  
"And the elder wants a tithe." Angel sounded positively dark and I saw it had an effect on the kid.  
  
Connor bit his lip, nodding. "Yeah. Most of the coven are wealthy students. We've learned a lot already. Some of us are good at it, others not so. Those are the ones she asks for more money from for tutorials. Like Mercy. I mean, she's no rocket scientist. She's better suited for her other career as frat bicycle."  
  
"Connor!" Dawn hissed.  
  
"What? It's true. That's why I don't like her. She's cheap. I mean, she's sweet but she'll sleep with anyone if she thinks it'll get her somewhere. I hate that," he said, and the anger in his face made me believe he meant it. I also thought maybe somewhere along the way he'd gotten used for his money. "I was thinking about dropping out. I hadn't told Sid yet since he's so into this. But I don't like having to pay to get to the next level and I'm not sure why the next level has transmogrification spells as part of it. Explain why I'd want to be a rat or a snake."  
  
Xander and I exchanged glances at that. I had been a rat once. It wasn't a good thing.  
  
"To get into small places," Wesley said. "And that's a dangerous spell. You could get stuck that way."  
  
"Trust us on that, Connor. We knew someone who did," I said. All I wanted was a nice normal dinner but even here magic had to pollute it. I couldn't sum up my disappointment.  
  
He seemed unfazed by that. "I was afraid of that. And some of the other spells are questionable. I feel more like I'm being groomed to be a thief or something."  
  
"Why?" Angel's voice was so harsh, Connor started, staring at the vampire with big eyes.  
  
"Let's just say I haven't met a lock I can't open." He spun his finger and added, "Alohamora."  
  
I recognized that from Harry Potter. Connor fell silent as Mercy came back with the nachoes and calamari. That changed the topic back to what Dawn and he had been up to in school and what Faith and I had been doing in Cleveland. I learned that while Connor was obviously tight with his family, he and his father didn't see eye to eye. Connor was the polar opposite in many respects, which seemed to make him a tree-hugging democrat with a strong sense of justice. Angel just continued to look dismayed every time Connor mentioned his family. I'd have to ask him if he had done a personal check into this kid's family while he was looking out for Dawn.  
  
Dinner was good. I even sampled the calamari. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Angel let Connor eat the majority of the pizza but if the kid noticed he didn't say anything. Once the magic part of the conversation was killed, the rest of our evening was pleasant. I did like Connor, despite the magic. I guess even that couldn't be all bad. It was just that I knew what it could lead to. Willow and Giles had done more good then they had bad with their spells but still there were others, like Ethan. Connor paid with a platinum card which Faith couldn't stop playing with. Neither she nor I had ever seen one of those before. I think it embarrassed him.  
  
"Want me to drop you by the hotel, Dawn, or take you to Xander's?" Connor was asking as we headed for our cars. "Or do you just want to ride back with them?"  
  
"Whatever you want," Dawn said. "If you want to go home, I'll get a ride back with Angel."  
  
Angel, Faith and I all froze. We sensed the vampires in the lot even before we saw them. They were on us that fast.  
  
"Ooo, look, well fed morsels, just for us," one of them said.  
  
"Shit," Faith swore.  
  
Dawn was in motion, pulling Connor away so he couldn't see what we were about to do. One of the vampires broke after them as she hustled him toward the car. I killed him before he knew what hit him. It didn't take long to fill the lot with vampire dust. It was even fairly noiseless. We caught up to Dawn and Connor.  
  
"What was that?" he asked, craning his head to see where the vampires had gone.  
  
"Street punks," I said.  
  
"Wusses," Faith said. "B and I throw out drunks tougher than that every day of the week."  
  
She and I had told everyone we were bartenders and bouncers down in the Cleveland Flats. It was actually how we supplemented the paltry salary the Council gave us. Connor didn't seem to believe us but he said nothing. He was busy looking at Angel who was staring back with fear in his eyes. I couldn't imagine why. The vampire gang had barely gotten close to Connor.  
  
"Come on, baby. Drive me back to Xander's," Dawn said, putting a hand on him.  
  
Our drive back to the hotel was quiet as if we were all afraid to say something. Had it been luck we were there to protect Dawn and Connor or were we merely magnets for this sort of thing? Angel was silent as stone all the way home. When we got to the hotel someone was waiting on the stairs. I didn't know him but he was short and good looking. He looked out of place in a cowboy hat and boots still smudged with red clay. And he looked terrified.  
  
"Lindsey," Angel growled. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"You'll thank me for coming. You're in trouble. A lot of it," Lindsey said then swallowed hard. "And I'm pretty much a dead man."  
  
I felt the pasta turning to lead in my stomach. There went my nice holiday. I just knew it.  
  
Author's Note - I probably misspelled that Harry Potter unlocking spell. Sorry about that. And more importantly, the Pig 'n Whistle is a real restaurant on Hollywood Blvd in Hollywood. While I've never been there, it looks like a fascinating place. Here's the website if you want to check it out. http:www.pignwhistle.com/


	6. The New Arrival

Thanks to all of your giving feedback I certainly appreciate it! 

_All that we see or seem  
Is but a dream within a dream._

_**Edgar Allen Poe - Dream within a Dream**_

  


CHAPTER SIX - ANGEL December 2004

  


As if this day wasn't bad enough, having to have Buffy here without really knowing where we stand and having to go to dinner with my son, now Lindsey was on my doorstep. He looked scared and I really didn't need this. 

  


We arranged ourselves around the hotel lobby, leaving Lindsey more or less in the center. He didn't care for it, judging from the look in his eyes. And I had to concentrate on why he was back. I would have bet Lindsey would never come back in L.A.. If I had known then what I know now I might have tried to stop him from leaving. I'm shocked Wolfram and Hart hadn't hunted him down. Lilah's death hadn't freed her. Maybe Lindsey had a different contract than she did. For his sake, I hope so. Still, something had brought him to my door step.

  


"Talk," I said.

  


Lindsey curled his lip at me. "Still pleasant as ever."

  


"You didn't come back here to exchange pleasantries," I snapped. I wasn't in a mood to deal with Lindsey's usual slipperiness. Hell, dealing with him normally put me in a bad mood.

  


He took out his wallet and removed a piece of well-folded paper. He handed it to Wes who unfolded it, reading it out loud.

  


"'Dear Mr. MacDonald, as per your contract agreement, you shall report for work at our L.A. branch on Monday the twentieth, 2004. You will find temporary lodgings with your immediate supervisor, Mr. Angel, at the Hyperion Hotel. Details of your first assignment will be disclosed when you report to work. Your lapsed Bar dues have been paid. Failure to show will result in sanctions as described in your contract'."

  


"Work for us or we take your soul," Faith said, crossing her arms across her chest.

  


"I didn't sign that sort of contract but let's just say I'd die a lot more horribly than I even want to think about. So I came here playing twenty questions with myself." Lindsey took off his hat, ruffling his hair. It was shorter than the last time I'd seen it. "Starting with what in the hell are you doing, Angel? I didn't believe that letter at first or the taunting little note Lilah tucked in there with it. I had to call and find out for myself. Have you gone insane?"

  


"Things have changed with Wolfram and Hart," Wes said in our defense.

  


"In your dreams." Lindsey snorted. "The Senior Partners are threatening to have me murdered, tell me how that's a change?"

  


"I'd like to know that myself," Buffy interrupted and I was surprised by the fire in her eyes. "On the way here, Faith told me that Wolfram and Hart are the ones who asked her to kill you." Buffy's eyes narrowed. "Explain to me how they've suddenly changed so much we can allow my sister to work for them?"

"It's okay, Buffy. She's just OPS, no contracts involved," Wes said before I could say anything. He wilted, realizing that only made things worse.

  


"Tell me you didn't do anything as moronic as sign a contract," Lindsey said, his mouth dropping open.

  


I was beginning to feel as stupid as he seemed to think I was. "There were extenuating circumstances," I said weakly.

  


"Let's start hearing them, Angel." Buffy stalked over to me, her fists jammed into her hips.

  


"It all started with The Beast. When Lilah died we thought we had lost our last hook in Wolfram and Hart," Wes said and I started pacing the room. I couldn't look at Buffy and the accusations written on her face.

  


"Lilah's dead?" Lindsey's eyes bugged. "Then how..." His face slowly melted like ashen wax into a look of utter horror. "She finally made it, didn't she? She was the one running things for the Senior Partners. That's when they make you sign the beyond death contract."

  


"Lilah's dead?" Xander asked, seeming more surprised the second time around. "I'm working for a dead woman?"

  


"No, you work for me," I said. "Lilah just likes to pretend she's boss. She wears the scarves and turtle necks to hide where Wes cut off her head."

  


Lindsey's eyebrows rose. "You cut off Lilah's head."

Wes managed to look guilty and I shifted uncomfortably. "Lilah's decapitation was my fault."

  


"We thought Angelus had killed her," Wes said. "We didn't want to chance her coming back. We had too many other worries."

  


"Yes." Lindsey nodded. "L.A.'s brief descent into eternal darkness was world news."

  


"So what is she?" Buffy asked. "Obviously not another vampire."

  


"No," I replied. "I'm not sure what to call Lilah. She's too mentally intact to be a zombie. She's simply been dragged back from hell, animated flesh, her own words." I said and judging by the look in Buffy's kaleidoscope eyes that was utterly the wrong thing to say.

  


"You're not this dumb, Angel." Lindsey's voice was cold, matching the ice in his blue eyes. "I mean you have never been too smart."

  


"Smart enough to stop you every time," I shot back. _Not good, Angel, you're just letting him know he's getting to you._

  


"Fine. So you should be smart enough to know that Wolfram and Hart doesn't change. And if you aren't." Lindsey stalked over to Wes. "You were, Wyndham-Price. How could you sign onto this?"

  


"It was an executive decision. I was told after the fact," Wes said, then slumped, embarrassment edging onto his thin face. "But I was ready to sign on. We all were. You have no idea what they offered us. The chances to do good, the scientific resources, the mystical texts. They could truly aid our cause." Wes pounded his fist into the palm of his hand, excitedly punctuating the pluses of the deal.

  


Lindsey snorted again. "You think I don't know how tempting Wolfram and Hart can make it look? How they can blind side you? Trust me, you've been had and you don't even know it yet."

  


"So far they've kept their word. They've stayed out of our way and they're done nothing to stop us for more than a year," I said emphatically, like I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. I was failing miserably. This was the first time we had taken our new boat out to sea and it was sinking fast. "We've helped a lot of people since we've signed on."

  


"I don't doubt you have." Lindsey came to roost on the circular couch. I wanted to shoo him off. That was Connor's couch. He was the one who liked to perch there. "What you have to ask yourself is what have they been doing while you guys were playing hero?"

  


I wanted to protest. They couldn't have snuck anything past us. I could see that same protest in Wes' eyes but the truth was Wolfram and Hart could have been doing anything. Wes and Fred were so over the moon about their new resources, they barely left the office. Who knew what Gunn was up to. And we all had Cordy on our minds. As for me, Connor occupied my every waking thought to the point I thought I might be going as mad as Dru, a fitting punishment really.

  


"Ask yourselves why am I here?" Lindsey stared straight at me, thumping his cowboy hat back on. The effect was disconcerting. It's surprising how much a hat can hide. All I was really aware of were the intense blue eyes burning holes in me.

  


"I'm guessing it's not because the divorce cases have started to pile up while you were..." Faith's brow wrinkled. "Where the hell were you hiding out?"

  


"Oklahoma."

  


"Good choice. Nobody willing goes there," Faith shot back.

  


I could see his mouth twist unpleasantly. "He's an Okie," I told her but she didn't look apologetic. 

  


"So what now?" Buffy asked, catching up to me, matching my pacing. "You can't be thinking that this is mere coincidence and that there isn't something wrong? You can't keep working for them."

"Actually I can," I said and she gave me a look that said she thought I was insane. "If we quit now, it'll tip them off that we know something is wrong."

  


"We're in a good position now to pry into their dealings secretly," Wes added.

  


"There's just one problem," Lindsey said and in a flash my mind cleared enough to realize what he was thinking.

  


"If you're here, then it's already in motion. They'd never have sent you here to stay with me otherwise," I said, burying my hands in my pockets to hide their clenching.

  


"Exactly. This is just Lilah's way of rubbing your face in it," Lindsey said.

  


"Then we'll have to work fast and try to head it off," Wes said.

  


"Why are we always two steps behind?" Faith asked, tugging at a lock of her dark hair.

  


"No matter where we are; here, Cleveland, Sunnydale," Buffy snarled. "We're always in the dark until too late. Just for once I'd like to know what the hell is going on. All I wanted is one nice, quiet holiday. I should have known better." She stomped her foot then gave us all an apologetic look. "Sorry, I know that was selfish and childish especially since the end of the world is probably coming yet again. That's how these things always turn out."

  


"Wolfram and Hart being finally ready to execute their end of days would explain why they called me back," Lindsey said, rubbing at a spot on his boot with the toe of the other one.

  


Buffy's eyes bugged. "You're telling me they actually have plans for the end of the world?" She whirled on me. "Did you know, Angel?"

  


"They abandoned the plan," I said weakly, wondering how I could ever have believed that; Connor, it always comes back to him. The price for giving my son a better life was always high but I thought I was the only one paying for it with my heartache. Now the whole world might pay for it. There hadn't been time to think through my actions. I did it impulsively, desperate to save my child. It might have been better to sacrifice him but I couldn't do it. For the first time, I understood my own father. I had always thought him to be ogrish, and in many ways, I still did, but now I could see how much he indulged me. How hard it was to say no to your child, how you'd do anything for them. Please let this be salvageable.

  


"I should have known better than to take any job Dead Boy offered me," Xander grumbled and I couldn't even muster a protest.

  


"You've made your case for trying to maintain the status quo but I want Dawn out of there. If she won't quit, you fire her," Buffy insisted, grabbing my arm, dragging me to a halt.

  


"Fine." I rubbed a hand over my face and added tiredly, "Now what?"

  


"We start the research. Should we cancel the party tomorrow?" Wes asked.

  


"No," I replied. "Lilah knows about it. We'll just carry on like usual. Let her think that we're too dumb to know anything's wrong. Wes, you and I can do the bulk of the work. Buffy, you, Faith and Xander can keep Dawn and her friends occupied."

  


"What about me?" Lindsey asked. "I can help with the research."

  


I stared at him in shock. I didn't think he would volunteer so easily and oddly, I believed he wanted to help. His blue eyes were wide, earnest. He didn't want to be back here. He had made his break, had a new and maybe better life. He was afraid and he had inside knowledge albeit old, of Wolfram and Hart. I could definitely use Lindsey.

  


"Thanks, Lindsey. Why don't we get you into a room," I said.

  


"I'll get my stuff." Lindsey headed for the door.

  


"Need help?" Xander asked.

  


"Thanks."

  


Lindsey was out the door, all of us moving numbly behind him. Buffy spared me a vicious look. I couldn't blame her. I had put her sister at risk. We caught up to the others in time to watch Lindsey undo a bungee cord and remove two suitcases and a guitar case from the bed of his truck. He set it all down on the sidewalk, then opened the truck.

  


"Sorry, girl. I didn't mean to be so long," Lindsey said and I could smell dog.

  


A large bloodhound lolloped out of the truck, its lead in Lindsey's hand. He patted the beast's head.

  


"You have a dog," I said, dispirited. It was one too many surprises for one day. Besides, dogs didn't like me or most vampires. I think it was our scent.

  


"This is Vi," Lindsey said, picking up his guitar. Xander and Faith had his suitcases.

  


Vi started growling at me and Lindsey said something to her in German, I think. It wasn't my best language.

  


"She used to be a cadaver dog," Lindsey said. "But she had hip dysplasia. I paid for her surgery and the police force retired her into my care. She gets excited by the smell of dead things." Lindsey flashed me a cold smile. "But with you, Angel, it's personal."

  


"What?" I was too surprised to be more erudite.

  


"Remember that cute little sign you hung on my truck?" Lindsey's grin went more wicked. "I put it in plastic to help retain the scent and Vi and I have been having lots of fun attacking the Angel dummy, haven't we girl?" He ruffled the dog's head, loose skin flapping everywhere. Xander snickered. Oh sure, trust him to find this funny.

  


"Thanks for training your dog to hunt and kill me," I sneered.

  


"You're welcome," he said cheerily and took the beast into my home after letting her water the grass. "Couldn't risk you coming after me so I was prepared."

  


Just what I needed, a cowboy lawyer and his hound, both of whom despised me. No one waited for me to go upstairs, Faith and Buffy playing hostess. I was getting the distinct impression I was being ignored. Faith managed to steer Lindsey into a room across from her. That was far from shocking.

  


"Lindsey," I said as he went into the bedroom. "Dawn's friends are normal college kids. They don't know about stuff like this." Was that a lie? Connor and his friends were into magic. I had no idea if it went beyond mere candle lighting and incense or not. It sounded like Connor could do real magic. I would shelter him, regardless. "I'd like to keep it that way."

  


"Of course."

  


"And the courtyard should be fine if you want to let Vi run loose," I added.

  


Lindsey's expression softened a bit. "Thanks."

  


"Just make sure you clean up after her."

  


He rolled his eyes and closed the door. I turned and found myself surrounded by my friends. I edged past them. "I have to go. There's someone I have to talk to," I mumbled. No one stopped me but Buffy followed me out to the car.

  


"Plan on telling me about these extenuating circumstances?" she asked.

  


I scrubbed a hand through my hair. It felt stiff, in need of a wash. "Not yet, no. I'm sorry and I'm more sorry about Dawn."

  


Buffy seemed to sag then hugged me impulsively. It felt good, that bit of forgiveness because it was the only bit I would get. I couldn't forgive myself. "Angel, I know something's wrong. You've been so distant all year. I know I haven't been...well, let's just say Wes and Fred have noticed it too and asked me if I had any ideas. I thought maybe it was all the changes in the world with Cordelia's condition on top of it but is it more?"

  


"I don't like keeping secrets from you, Buffy," I said, and I doubted she'd believe that given how many had been kept. The haunted veneer over her eyes suggested I was right. "But this only deals with me. It's a personal problem and you can't help. If you could, I'd tell you." 

  


She cocked her head to the side. "Does it have to do with Dawn's boyfriend?"

  


I slipped out of her grip, surprised at her perception. "Why do you ask that?"

  


"Because you're acting really weird around him. Angel, if you know something about him..."

  


"I don't," I interrupted. "If I knew anything bad, Buffy, wouldn't I say something?"

  


Her lips pulled into a thin line. She didn't believe me completely even though I could see she wanted to. "You don't like Dawn dating him. I can tell."

  


"I don't know him, Buffy. I guess I'm just not used to the teen-aged hearts and flowers." That sounded lame even to me but it seemed to mollify her.

  


"He's intense. I'm not sure I like him or not." Buffy flipped her hair over her shoulder. "But I guess it's not my decision."

  


"The heart wants what it wants, Buffy. Generally we're pretty powerless over it," I said, thinking of me and her.

  


She glanced away. "And that sucks, too."

  


Before I could reply, Fred's new Lexus drove up and she got out. She bounced over to us.

  


"Hi, guys."

  


"Fred, Buffy and Wes have some really bad news," I said, turning away from them.

  


"So that's it, just say that and leave?" Buffy called after me.

  


"Wes will do a better job than I could at explaining and this can't wait," I said. Everyone was already mad at me so why not add Fred to the list. I got into the GTX and roared off. I didn't care for all the cars Wolfram and Hart had given me. I wanted my own car and I had had them bang out the dent Connor's body had made in the hood where I dropped him. It was the only car I drove.

  


I knew going to Wolfram and Hart was a mistake. In the state my mind was in, I was likely to do something even more stupid than I already had but I couldn't help it. I wondered what would happen if I just plucked Lilah's head off and played soccer with it in traffic. I wanted to kill her in ways I hadn't wanted to kill anyone in a long time. It didn't matter that she was already dead. That just meant I could torture her longer, if she did indeed feel pain.

  


I wasn't surprised to see her in her office. Did she ever go home? Maybe not. She probably no longer needed rest. I locked the door behind me. She raised an eyebrow at me as she smoothed the silk scarf that hid where her head had been reattached.

  


"What can I do for you, Angel?" Her eyes twinkled. She must know Lindsey was in town but I wasn't here to talk about that.

  


"How could you put Connor with a lawyer of all things?" I asked, slamming my hands down on her desk, looming over her.

  


Lilah was singularly unimpressed. "You said 'put him with a good family' so I did."

  


"There's nothing good about lawyers."

  


She made a clucking sound with her tongue. "Angel, Angel, how can you say that? You work for a law firm."

  


"Technically you work for me." Yes, I wasn't up to the level of repartee I needed here.

  


"You wanted good family. Good means money. His new father is rich as Croesus." She grinned at me. "Poor little boy, he goes through fathers like tissues."

  


She was trying to get a rise out of me and I had to fight not to give it to her. "Are you grooming him to be a lawyer here, Lilah?"

  


She got out from behind her desk, heading for the window. She looked out over the fantastic view of the city at night. "Why not?"

"So, you're not going to deny it?" I growled.

  


She turned to face me. "You gave up all rights to his life, Angel. We went through considerable effort to work that magic. We deserve compensation."

  


I felt my mouth go hard as my features shifted without me even realizing it at first. "Not this, you don't. Stay out of his life."

  


She wagged a finger at me. "Not part of the deal, Angel. But how do you know he's pre-law? You're the one who's supposed to be staying away from him."

  


My fangs dug into the curve of my lip. I'm not sure what I thought I'd do with them. There was no blood in Lilah to lap up as if I'd want to. I've tasted her before. Once was enough. "And the magic, Lilah? Are you priming him to be a mage, too, getting yourself a two for one deal?"

  


Lilah's dark eyes sparked and I realized I had made a fatal error. She hadn't known about the magic. I had put my son in even more danger. What was I going to do about this? "Magic, you say?"

  


"So I guess you know nothing useful." I turned my back on her. I had to get out of here before I caused any more damage. "Just keep out of his life, Lilah. He doesn't need either of us meddling."

Lilah just chuckled as I let myself out. I headed for my car, half blinded by emotion. I nearly bowled over someone. I mumbled an apology and kept walking.

  


"What world are you in, man?"

  


I jerked around. I hadn't heard Gunn's voice in days. He was giving me a peculiar look. "Sorry, Gunn. Working late aren't you?"

  


"And you're not?" He glanced toward the windows in the lobby. "Then again, maybe for you this is early."

  


I forced a smile. "You do know Fred's planned a tree trimming party for tomorrow?"

  


He nodded. So I guess I was the only one who hadn't known. "I'll be there."

  


"Great. I'm sure Faith would like to see you," I said, thinking that might be true. She had seemed to like him when she helped put Angelus back in his cage. "And Dawn's having some of her college friends over, too."

  


"Cool," Gunn said then started back on his way. Did he know about Lindsey being here? It was hard to say. He spent so much time here now I wasn't sure if he was truly with me any more. This wasn't the place to mention it so I headed out.

  


I drove to a dive Irish bar that Doyle had taken me to once. Nothing here but humans. That suited me just fine. I sat and drank to nearly dawn, thinking deep thoughts and making stupid plans. It was like I had been transported back two centuries and I was the same thick-headed boy I had been then. And as I came stumbling in just before the sun caught me, I had the feeling I'd be treated at home much like Father used to treat me. And I deserved it as much now as I had then.


End file.
